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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28062216">The Dreaming</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HixyStix/pseuds/HixyStix'>HixyStix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cold 'verse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst With A Bittersweet Ending, Blood and Violence, Characters die in time loops but come back, I have re-tagged this so many times, It's really tricky to get right on this one, M/M, Time Loop, Torture, Zeb is actually dead</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:35:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28062216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HixyStix/pseuds/HixyStix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After an incident on Endor, Zeb finds himself thrown back to the past – except this time, he and Kallus were never marooned together on Bahryn.  Somehow, without that connection, he’s still got to convince Kallus to defect before it’s too late.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexsandr Kallus/Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Cold 'verse [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049573</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>105</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I've used some of Anath_Tsurugi's Lasana in this fic!  Check the endnotes for translations.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All around them, Endor’s moon was alive with sound – birds, small creatures in the trees, Imperials tromping heavily through the underbrush – but the most important one, to Zeb at least, was the sound of Alex’s quiet, steady breathing less than half a meter away.  Breathing meant they were both alive and together and those were the most important things for Zeb to know while in the middle of a war.</p><p>They were surrounded by a company of commandos, ready to take the Imperial bunker.  With one hand, Alex confidently motioned the company forward.</p><p>Zeb stayed low and ran forward, leading the charge.  Halfway there, his right foot landed on something that wasn’t organic.</p><p>An explosion rocked the forest floor, knocking Zeb back.  Shockwaves of pain coursed through him and his head hit something hard as he landed.  Faintly, he heard his name being called – <em>Alex.  Is Alex all right?  I need to know if Alex is all right!</em> – before he could no longer focus and blacked out.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Zeb woke with a throbbing headache and a sharp ringing in his ears.  Darkness surrounded him, but it wasn’t the darkness of a forest night.</p><p>It was the darkness of his cabin on the <em>Ghost</em>.</p><p>He breathed a sigh of relief.  If he was on the <em>Ghost</em>, he was alive and Hera had survived the space battle.  Alex must have had the medics bring him straight back to the ship.</p><p>Zeb slid his hand out towards the door, towards where Alex always slept.</p><p>No one was there.  <em>Nothing</em> was there: not Alex, not the top bunk they’d used to expand the bed for them both.</p><p>
  <em>What the kriff?</em>
</p><p>Sitting up quickly, intending to go find Alex or Hera and see what was going on, Zeb banged his head on the low bunk that shouldn’t have been above his bed.</p><p>“<em>Karabast!</em>” he growled.  What idiot had put the bunk back?</p><p>“Hey!” came a sleepy grumble from the top bunk.  “Shut up, Zeb, I’m trying to sleep.”</p><p>Zeb froze.  That voice…</p><p>He sniffed the air cautiously.  His nose wouldn’t lie to him like his ears might.</p><p><em>Ezra</em>.  The kid’s scent was unmistakable.  He was in the room.</p><p>Zeb slammed the light controls and stood, staring in shock as Ezra sat up on the top bunk, grumpily rubbing his eyes.</p><p>“Kark it, Zeb!”</p><p>It didn’t even occur to Zeb to chastise the kid for his language.  It was <em>Ezra</em>.</p><p>But it wasn’t a more grown-up Ezra.</p><p>No, this was young, short Ezra with shaggy, tousled hair and a daggered glare.  Ezra as he’d been years before.</p><p>Another quick sniff told Zeb that Alex’s scent was <em>not </em>there as it should have been.</p><p>He stumbled backwards, out the door and into the brightly lit hallway.  Rex was already there – not unusual as the clone slept very little.</p><p>But then Hera’s door opened and she leaned against the jamb, followed by–</p><p>–<em>Kanan?</em></p><p>“What’s wrong, Zeb?” asked Kanan, sounding only half-awake.</p><p>Zeb stared at him, disbelieving.  Kanan <em>couldn’t</em> be there.  Kanan was <em>dead</em>.</p><p>And Ezra was gone.</p><p>But there they both were.</p><p>As was Sabine, also looking years younger, who opened her door and gave Zeb a murderous look.  “Do you <em>know</em> what time it is, Zeb?” she mumbled.</p><p>Zeb didn’t know where to look.  With the exception of Hera and Rex, <em>none</em> of them ought to be on the <em>Ghost</em>.  And where were Alex and Jacen? </p><p>“‘M dreaming,” he muttered.  It was the only explanation.  “‘M dreaming.  You’re not here.”</p><p>“Okay, buddy,” Kanan said, stepping out of Hera’s room and approaching Zeb slowly.  “Sounds like you need to wake up a bit.  Let’s get you something to drink.”</p><p>Kanan put his hand on Zeb’s arm and Zeb couldn’t hold in his gasp. </p><p>He <em>felt that</em>. </p><p>Kanan was <em>real</em>. </p><p>“Karabast,” he said, looking at Kanan, at clear, bright eyes that were narrowed in concern.  “Yeah.  Yeah, I could use a drink.”</p><p>Zeb let himself be led into the common room as the others shuffled back into their cabins.  He watched fondly as Kanan filled two glasses with water and set some nerf milk on to be heated.  It was a classic Kanan move: water to wake them up enough to talk, a warm, milky drink to send them back to sleep after the talk was done.</p><p>“Here,” Kanan said.  “This should help.”</p><p>They brushed fingers as Zeb took the glass.  He downed the glass of water in one go and blinked, hoping to find himself alone in the <em>Ghost</em> or in a medbay or <em>somewhere </em>that seemed right.</p><p>It didn’t work.  He was still staring at Kanan.</p><p>“Did you dream about Lasan again?” Kanan asked.</p><p>“No,” Zeb said, trying to form some sort of sense out of everything.  Obviously, either he was dreaming at the moment or he’d dreamed everything that happened after this point – when was it, actually?</p><p>Had he dreamed Alex being Fulcrum?  Atollon?  Lothal?  Scarif?  Hoth?  Both Death Stars?  He didn’t usually dream that vividly.</p><p>Well, except for the dreams about Lasan, but he hadn’t had any of those since discovering that Lira San existed.</p><p>…was Lira San nothing but a dream?</p><p>“You haven’t had a nightmare since we found Lira San,” Kanan said gently.  “Guess I was hoping that you’d stop having them altogether.”</p><p>Zeb fought a relieved sigh.  Lira San hadn’t been a dream.  “Yeah,” he said.  “So was I.”</p><p>“What was it about, if it wasn’t Lasan?” Kanan asked.  “If you don’t mind me asking.”</p><p>Zeb didn’t <em>mind</em>, he just didn’t know what exactly to say.  “Uh,” he said, scratching the back of his head, stalling for time to think.  “I guess I was dreaming about what could happen.  You ‘n Ezra ‘n Sabine were all gone.  Left me a little confused when I woke up.”</p><p>Kanan nodded, stirring some chocolate powder into the milk.  “On a mission?”</p><p>“No,” Zeb said.  “Sabine had gone back home, Ezra was missing, and you were, uh.  You were dead.”</p><p>“Well, we’re all here,” Kanan said.  “So that should reassure you a bit.”</p><p>“Yeah.”  Zeb relaxed a little, slumping against the seat back.  He took the milky brown drink Kanan offered him, wrapping his hands around the warm mug.</p><p>“Ezra, Sabine, and I aren’t going on a mission by ourselves anytime soon,” Kanan said.  “It’s location scouting for the foreseeable future, unless we find a suitable base soon.”</p><p>Before Zeb could answer, a shrill whistle sounded through the ship. </p><p>Zeb scrambled out of his chair, following Kanan at top speed to the cockpit.  The comm was blinking, a red light instead of its usual bright white.</p><p>“Turn that off, Chop!” instructed Hera, walking past them and sitting in her chair.  She hit the comm button and all that appeared was a holo map with a particular set of coordinates lit up.  “Distress beacon.”</p><p>“Are we gonna answer it?” asked Sabine, leaning in the doorway. </p><p>“Of course we are!” said Ezra, pushing his way past her, looking fully awake.  “Right, Hera?”</p><p>Zeb looked at Hera.  “What frequency is it on?”</p><p>Chopper warbled.</p><p>“It’s a broad-spectrum signal,” Hera translated.  “Geonosis, it looks.”</p><p>A chill ran down Zeb’s spine.  He <em>remembered</em> this.  They’d land on the space station above Geonosis, get ambushed, and then he and Alex would end up on Bahryn.</p><p>Except it wouldn’t be Alex, would it?  It would be Agent Kallus of the Imperial Security Bureau.  He hadn’t defected yet.</p><p><em>If that wasn’t some fever dream and he <strong>does</strong> defect</em>, Zeb thought, barely aware that his claws were poking through the synthleather of the chair in front of him.</p><p>“We <em>have</em> been meaning to swing by Geonosis to check on those rumors that the Empire was building something,” Kanan pointed out.</p><p>“We’ll answer,” Hera said.  “We can’t just leave someone stranded, can we?  Chopper, set us a course to Geonosis.”</p><p>“Guess the rest of us get ready,” Rex grumbled.</p><p>“First dibs on the sonic!” Sabine said, just as Ezra raised his hand.</p><p>“Ah, karabast!” the teenager complained.  “Don’t take forever!”</p><p>A small grin formed on Zeb’s face.  It didn’t matter if he’d been dreaming – or if he was currently dreaming – he felt like it’d been forever since he got to witness the Spectres’ antics.  Kriff, he’d missed this.</p><p>If he’d ever lost it in the first place.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“My gut tells me this is a trap,” Zeb half-growled, on high alert.  He set and reset his grip on his bo-rifle, an instinctive fidget.</p><p>And then–</p><p>–then the blast doors started opening around them, revealing stormtroopers.</p><p>And Alex.</p><p>“How perceptive,” Alex – no, Agent Kallus – drawled.</p><p>Zeb knew how this went.  Knew that the next hours would be some of the most important of his life.  Baring his fangs, he ran full-tilt at Kallus, bo-rifle in front of him, ready to clash with Kallus’s.</p><p>They fought as equals in skill, equals in temper, and nearly equals in strength.</p><p>Well, almost.  Zeb realized he was familiar with most of Kallus’s moves and blocked them without thinking about it.</p><p>
  <em>Years of sparring with him to keep your skills sharp…</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No!  That was just a dream.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then how am I so good at this?  I’ve done this before.</em>
</p><p>“NO!” Zeb yelled, kicking out and catching Kallus in the gut.</p><p>The agent <em>oof</em>ed as he hit a bulkhead wall, sliding down it unconscious. </p><p>Zeb wasn’t too worried.  He’d done that before and Kallus had still followed him.</p><p>“Hera!” he called into his comlink.  “I’m grabbin’ an escape pod.”</p><p>The words seemed wrong and he knew he should have phrased things differently – <em>had </em>phrased them differently in the dream – but he didn’t have time to try and dig up such nebulous memories.</p><p><em>They’re not nebulous, though, are they, Garazeb?  They’re clear as a kyber crystal</em>.</p><p>Zeb skidded through the ship, using his claws to dig into the durasteel floors as he rounded sharp corners.  The escape pod bank was just a couple hallways away.</p><p>Ears perked so that (<em>this time</em>) he’d hear Agent Kallus coming up behind him, Zeb flung himself into the first escape pod.</p><p>He stood there, breathing heavily, waiting.</p><p>A minute later, the agent still hadn’t shown up.  Stress ate at Zeb’s nerves as he poked his head back out into the hallway.</p><p>Kallus didn’t appear, but Zeb heard the squeal of a stormtrooper comm.  <em>“Sir, Agent Kallus has been injured.  Requesting medical pickup.” </em> A pause.  <em>“We’ve tracked the beast that did it to the escape pods.  About to engage.”</em></p><p>Karabast.  He’d kicked Kallus – Alex – too hard.  Had he seriously hurt him?</p><p>More importantly, if Kallus wasn’t following him, what did that mean?</p><p>Stormtroopers appeared in the hall.  Zeb was out of time.  Ducking back into the escape pod, he launched it toward Geonosis.</p><p>Once he was clear of the Imperial station, Zeb leaned back in his chair, waiting for Hera to lock onto his signal.</p><p>He wasn’t crashing on Bahryn with Kallus (<em>like he should have</em>).  He wasn’t going to encourage the agent to seek answers to questions he hadn’t thought to ask.</p><p>He wasn’t setting Kallus on the path to defect.</p><p>“No, no, no, no…” Zeb said, sitting up.  He fiddled with the controls, trying to figure out how to get <em>back</em> to the station and find Kallus.  If he had to, Zeb would snatch Kallus right out of the Imperials’ hands.</p><p>He maneuvered the pod around to fact the station, but the fuel reserves – meant only to get him past the reaches of a self-destructing ship – were shot.  As Zeb watched, a <em>Lambda</em> shuttle left the station and shot to hyperspace.</p><p>Somehow, he <em>knew</em> Kallus had been on that ship.</p><p>Zeb watched the spot where the ship had disappeared until he was mag-clamped to the hull of the <em>Ghost</em>, defeated.</p><p>If he and Kallus weren’t to spend the night together on Bahryn, then what would happen to them both?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p><em>It can’t have all been a dream</em>, Zeb thought, eyes screwed shut and two fingers pressing into his forehead.</p><p>“Don’t hurt yourself,” Ezra said, plopping onto the bench seat next to Zeb.  He had some of Sabine’s favorite crackers, popping them into his mouth one by one, chewing loudly.</p><p>“Want me to tell Sabine who ate all her stuff?” Zeb said, low and threatening.</p><p>Ezra wasn’t fazed.  “I’ll just tell her it was you.”</p><p>“I can’t eat those,” Zeb reminded him.  “They make me sick.”</p><p>“Oh yeah.”  Ezra made a face.  “Wouldn’t mind spending some time in the ‘fresher for me, would ya, big guy?”</p><p>Zeb cuffed Ezra on the back of the head.  “Shut up.  I’m trying to think.”</p><p>“Want me to stop you if your ears start smoking?”</p><p>Zeb rolled his eyes as Ezra obligingly wandered out of the common room.  He shut his eyes again, delving back into his thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>If it wasn’t a dream, then what was it?  A vision of the Ashla?  Reality?  How did I end up back here?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Can Alex be turned?  Is there a way still to do it since we didn’t get stranded together?  What will happen to me without him in my life?  He’ll save us all many times over.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not if I don’t turn him.</em>
</p><p><em>It’s really kriffing important that I turn him</em>.</p><p>Zeb sighed.  He thought about finding Kanan and seeing if he could sense anything weird with the Force, but his mind kept wandering back to a tale he’d been told as a child.</p><p>There was really only one person in the galaxy that Zeb could discuss <em>that</em> with.  Checking for Chopper’s location and to make sure Ezra was in their bunk and not following him, Zeb locked himself in the cockpit.  He dialed in a frequency that he wasn’t quite sure would work.</p><p>It worked.  The tiny blue form of Chava appeared after a minute.  “Garazeb Orrelios!” she said.  “I expected your call earlier.”</p><p><em>Expected</em>…?  Zeb didn’t have time to properly unpack that.  “Sorry, I’ll try to be quicker next time,” he grumbled sarcastically.</p><p>Chava banged her staff on the ground.  “Child!  You have questions and only the Fool would not ask.”</p><p>Zeb’s upper lip curled.  He didn’t like being reminded of that stupid prophecy, not if he wasn’t going to get his chance to save the Warrior.  “Fine,” he said.  “I had a dream last night that I’m not sure was a dream after all.”</p><p>“What happened in this dream?” she asked, leaning forward curiously.</p><p>“Everything!” Zeb said, frustrated.  “It was years worth of stuff, felt like I lived it all.  The weird thing wasn’t how vivid it was, though.  It was that some of it came true this morning.”</p><p>“Ahh, the Ashla is touching you, Child.”</p><p>Zeb wasn’t sure if it was the Ashla or not, but after the experience of leading the <em>Ghost </em>through that star cluster, he’d regained some respect for the Ashla.  “If it’s touching me, then why did things change?”</p><p>“The Ashla is always in motion.  What changed?”</p><p>“In the dream, today I was supposed to be stranded on a moon with an ISB agent, the one who was chasing you.  Our conversations while stranded were supposed to make him question the Empire and eventually defect,” Zeb explained.  “And if he doesn’t defect, then that could mean very bad things for the Rebellion.  He’s good at his job, has almost caught us a few times.  It’s only a matter of time before he <em>does</em> catch us.”</p><p>“The Child must save the Warrior,” Chava said, a touch of disappointment in her voice.</p><p>“I <em>know</em> that!” Zeb fumed.  “But I had my chance and it didn’t happen.  He was supposed to follow me but he didn’t.  I think I hurt him too much.”</p><p>Chava nodded, rubbing her thumb on her chin thoughtfully.  “There is never just one opportunity for change, Garazeb.”</p><p>Zeb slumped.  “I don’t know when else!” he said, frustrated.  “I don’t know how to bring him to our side now.  Obviously my dream wasn’t real.”</p><p>“Are you sure about that?” Chava asked, speaking slowly.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Are you sure it’s not the <em>Talinad</em>?”</p><p>Zeb rocked back.  The <em>Talinad</em> was the afterlife, at least for lasats.  He’d quit believing in it after Lasan, after seeing the wider galaxy and the sheer number of faiths – and lack of faiths – that were out there.</p><p>But the whole idea of the <em>Talinad</em> was that a lasat was shown the most important decision of their whole life.  Zeb had always assumed it meant watching a replay of one’s ‘greatest hits’ and then moving on to oblivion.</p><p>“What are you saying?” he asked warily.  “Chava, I’m not dead.  I didn’t die last night and come back to life.”</p><p>“It sounds to me like you’ve had your decision shown to you in a negative,” Chava said.  “What happens when you <em>don’t</em> convince Agent Kallus to defect.”</p><p>Zeb frowned.  “I didn’t tell you his name.”</p><p>“You didn’t,” she agreed.  “He did, when he was chasing us.”</p><p>That made Zeb sigh.  “Would you believe me if I said he was a good man?  Or at least he was, in my dream.  He changed, worked for the Rebellion, fought the Empire.”  He looked away, unwilling to say what else Alex was to him.</p><p>“More than that, I think.”  Chava waggled her brow at him.</p><p>Zeb felt almost scandalized.  “Chava!”  The holy woman didn’t break her gaze and Zeb relented.  “Okay, yes.  He was more than that to me.  We loved each other.  In the dream.”</p><p>“And you still feel that.”  It was a statement, not a question.</p><p>Hanging his head, Zeb said, “Yes.  Ashla help me, I do.”</p><p>“The Ashla is always there to help us, Child,” Chava said reassuringly.  “You simply must think of another way to reach this agent.”</p><p>“If he doesn’t kill us before I can do that,” Zeb muttered.</p><p>Chava pounded her staff again.  “You must not let him!  If you are part of the <em>Talinad</em>, then it is up to you to make the decision again.  You must do whatever it takes to recruit Agent Kallus to your side.  He is your <em>Tinsana</em>.”</p><p>Zeb leaned back in his chair.  <em>Tinsana</em>?  Bond-mate?  He’d have been willing to ascribe that role to Alex, but that was in the dream.</p><p>The <em>Talinad</em>.</p><p>Which wasn’t a dream after all.</p><p>Knowing he was being rude, Zeb shut down the comm connection and closed his eyes, thinking back.</p><p>There, at the end of the dream – the Endor forest, stepping on something, the pain.  The logical explanation was that he stepped on a mine.</p><p>But if he’d done that, how was he still alive?</p><p>He <em>was</em> still alive, wasn’t he?</p><p>Zeb’s stomach lurched as the sure knowledge that he wasn’t alive washed over him.</p><p>
  <em>I died on Endor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m in the Talinad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’ve got to turn Alex if I want to move on, I think.  If I want to rest.  Do I?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is this the Alex I left behind?  Is he dead, too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karabast, what’s happening?</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Talinad - Lasat Afterlife<br/>Tinsana - Bond-mate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite the Rebels’ rush to find a suitable new base (<em>Atollon, just tell them it’s Atollon</em>, Zeb chastised himself) and the constant search for food and fuel, Zeb found himself caught up in his own thoughts.</p><p>Most of the time, he could forget what Chava said, but the words would creep up on him in quiet moments.  Just after Ezra used the Force to turn off their cabin lights, sometimes, or during a lull in mealtime conversation, or even the contemplative time just before a mission.</p><p>
  <em>I’m dead.  I’m part of the Talinad.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Somehow, I’ve got to fix Alex.  How do I reach him now, though?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is Alex dead, too?  Or is he just a figment of my imagination?</em>
</p><p>“Zeb!” Hera hissed.  “Look sharp!”</p><p>Instinctively, Zeb straightened and realized the ramp was lowering.  Right.  They were at Horizon Base to steal enough fuel to reach the Yost system.</p><p><em>But the Yost system won’t work, will it?  It’s going to be Atollon, with all those bogans</em>.</p><p>“All right,” Kanan said.  “After we grab the fuel, we’ll have to blast our way out of here fast.”</p><p>Zeb nodded, ignoring Chopper’s excited warbling.  The droid would get himself stranded on an Imperial cargo ship shortly, but that would lead to the recruitment of AP-5 – and as much as AP-5 irritated Zeb, the droid brought a lot of good intel with him.</p><p>Deep inside, Zeb knew he should be teasing Chopper about his leg strut, but he couldn’t muster the motivation.  His mind was too occupied looking around the base, assessing the Imperial forces they’d have to fight their way through.</p><p>So occupied with looking for the Imperials they’d met before that he missed the new ambush until it was too late.</p><p>As soon as they grabbed the fuel canisters, stormtroopers poured out of the side hallways and all Zeb could think was <em>It’s not supposed to go like this</em>.</p><p>Then, confusing him even more, Agent Kallus’s voice echoed through the hall.</p><p>“Don’t let them escape!” the ISB agent called, standing behind a company of white-clad troopers.</p><p>Zeb locked eyes with him across the room and for a moment, he thought he saw a spark of <em>something</em>.  Recognition?  Regret?</p><p>Not that it really mattered.  Agent Kallus was pointing straight at him and calling for his men to charge.</p><p>Bo-rifle extended and ignited, Zeb tore through a huge swath of the stormtroopers.  He trusted the other Spectres to clean up the mess he left in his wake.  Since joining with Hera and Kanan, it had been his job to be a bruiser.  To be the muscle.  To take the hits and keep going, taking out as many Imperials as he could in the process.  To make it so the others had fewer enemies to worry about.</p><p>Kallus saw him coming and something like fear flashed across his face.  The human swung his bo-rifle around and up, blocking Zeb’s initial blow.</p><p>“Thought I hurt you back on Geonosis,” Zeb said, unsure if he was angry or worried.</p><p>“I’m quite resilient,” Kallus snapped back.  “You know you’ve been caught this time.  Give up now and I may show you leniency.”</p><p>Zeb laughed bitterly.  “You mean I get a blindfold before you shoot me in the back?  No thanks, Agent.”  Zeb parried a strike easily, sending Kallus stumbling back a few steps.</p><p>Frowning, Zeb realized he must still be hurt.  Usually Kallus was stronger than that.</p><p><em>He’s my Tinsana</em>, Zeb thought.  <em>He’s my Tinsana and I need him to come to his senses.  What do I do?</em></p><p>Zeb attempted something desperate.  “Alex!” he hissed.  “Alex, stop this.  Stop fighting me and start asking questions.”</p><p>Kallus’s eyes narrowed.  “My name is not ‘Alex’, lasat.”</p><p>“Right, it’s Alexsandr,” Zeb amended.  “Alexsandr Kallus, born in Sah’c Town on Coruscant.  Second of four children, the only boy, head of your class whatever school you went to.  You still send part of your pay back home to help keep your mother and sisters from sliding back into poverty.”</p><p>The glare Kallus shot him only intensified.  “Your slicers are good if they’ve accessed that much information about me.  But knowing my name doesn’t gain you any points.  You’re nothing but a Rebel.  Your movement will fail, you and your friends will die, and the Empire won’t even notice.”</p><p><em>You’re so wrong, mate</em>.  “Maybe,” Zeb said.  “But at least I’m fighting for something worth believing in.  Something that doesn’t tarnish my honor.”</p><p>As soon as the taunts were out, Zeb knew they’d been the wrong things to say.  Kallus redoubled his efforts and Zeb had to focus on defending himself.</p><p>But, like Kallus had once said, lasat didn’t know when to give up.</p><p>“Geonosis!” Zeb said.  “Why did the Empire kill off the entire population?”</p><p>“You expect me to have an answer to such an absurd question?  What could <em>possibly</em> be the point of killing Geonosians?”</p><p>“Good!”  Zeb almost laughed; things were surely back on track.  “Keep asking questions like that and you’ll find the answers!”</p><p>He swung his bo-rifle up, catching Kallus in the side, in the soft bits below his cuirass.  The man let out a pained yelp and fell to his knees.</p><p>Zeb stepped back, wide-eyed.  His hit shouldn’t have hurt that much.  He’d only been trying to drive Kallus back, not actually <em>injure</em> him again.</p><p>Maybe he hadn’t.  Knowing the Empire, knowing <em>Alex</em>, the agent was probably back out in the field before he’d been cleared by Medical.</p><p>Zeb stopped and offered a hand to the fallen Kallus.  “Here.  I’m not gonna hit you while you’re down.  Are you okay?”</p><p>Eyes flashing in anger, Kallus ignored the proffered hand.  He coughed and to Zeb’s horror, blood appeared on his lips.</p><p>“Karabast, Alex,” Zeb said before he could help himself.  He knelt in front of the agent.  “What happened to you?  What are you doing out here in this condition?”</p><p>Kallus turned his head to the side and spat the blood away, his expression betraying both anger and pain.  “You’ll be happy to know that when you kicked me, you caused more damage than a single bacta dip can fix,” he said, sneering as if he had the upper hand.</p><p>“Kriff.  You should be in a medbay, not here.  You’re gonna kill yourself.”</p><p>Kallus didn’t deign to answer, instead falling back against the nearest wall, feet splayed out in front of him.  He still stared off to the side and Zeb followed his gaze.</p><p>Oh.  He’d forgotten about the stormtroopers.  The Spectres were holding their own, but he heard Ezra call his name.</p><p>His family needed his help.</p><p>But so did his <em>Tinsana</em>.</p><p>“Stay here,” Zeb instructed.  “We’ve got good medics, not just droids.  I’ll get you the help you need.”</p><p>Kallus laughed sharply, a harsh noise that turned into more coughs.  “If you think I’ll let you take me prisoner…”</p><p>“Not prisoner,” Zeb promised.  “I’ll do whatever it takes to help you.  Just hold on, okay?  I’m sorry I hurt you.”</p><p>The Imperial mask dropped, becoming one of bewilderment.  “Why?”</p><p>“Zeb!” Sabine cried.  “A little help!”</p><p>Zeb looked at his little sister, struggling to hide behind a too-small crate.  “Alex, you just gotta trust me.  I’ll get you help.  I’ll even send you back to the Empire if that’s what you want.  But this coughing up blood stuff ain’t good.”</p><p>With a last sympathetic look at the confused Imperial, Zeb sprinted off, taking out stormtroopers from behind.  He burst through the line and opened a path for Kanan and Ezra to attack with lightsabers.</p><p>He wasn’t expecting Sabine to throw a detonator instead, however.  It rolled past the troopers and came to rest just two meters from Kallus.</p><p>“<em>No</em>!” Zeb yelled, but it was too late.  The detonator started beeping quickly.  Sabine grabbed his arm and the Spectres ran back to the <em>Ghost</em>, everyone pushing a fuel canister.</p><p>“Where’s Chopper?” Here asked, looking at their unguarded ship.</p><p>Before anyone could answer, an explosion rocked Horizon Base.</p><p>Zeb had to stop, falling to his knees and fighting a wave of nausea.  He <em>knew</em> Kallus hadn’t escaped from the blast.  The man had barely been able to sit up straight; there was no way he could have even crawled off.</p><p>Alex was dead.  He’d failed.</p><p>What did that mean in the <em>Talinad</em>?</p><p>A prickly sensation started in Zeb’s fingers and toes, as if his body was susceptible to holostatic.  It spread slowly as Zeb looked around in distress.  He <em>saw</em> Sabine grab one of his hands to drag him behind her, but he couldn’t feel it.  The staticky feeling was too strong.</p><p>Steadily encroaching on his chest, Zeb found the holostatic kept him from breathing.  From swallowing.  From speaking.</p><p>By the time it reached his head, he was aware of nothing except the holostatic–</p><p>–until he wasn’t aware of anything at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cw for some non-graphic torture</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Darkness surrounded him again.</p><p>Not total darkness; the soft glow of the door controls illuminated the room just enough for Zeb to see he was in his cabin.</p><p>Holding his hands up, he studied them.  As far as he could tell, he was awake and real.</p><p>But if that was true, what the kriff sort of dream had that been?  A dream-within-a-dream?  That made no sense.</p><p>Breathing deeply, Zeb tried to calm his racing heart.  The cabin smelled of Ezra, who could be heard softly snoring in the top bunk.  Outside, he could hear Chopper roll by, on his usual nighttime patrol of the ship.  As far as Zeb could tell, all was well.</p><p>Zeb closed his eyes, bringing his hands down to his chest.  His heart pounded under his fingers, but it was slowing, calming.  Focusing on his breathing, Zeb counted out inhales and exhales, an old Honor Guard exercise that had served him well over the years.</p><p>It worked wonderfully.</p><p>Or it worked wonderfully until the shrill alarm filled the <em>Ghost</em>.</p><p>Ezra leapt off his bunk, instantly fully awake and ready to fight while Zeb still struggled to sit up.</p><p>Zeb usually didn’t let the kid show him up like that, but the alarm was far too familiar already.  If it was a distress call from Geonosis…</p><p>Well, he wasn’t sure what he’d do in that case.  He’d figure something out though.  He always did.</p><p>Zeb lumbered into the cockpit, just in time to see a map float in the air over the holocomm, in red instead of the usual blueish-white.  “Ah, shavit,” he said.</p><p>No one paid him any attention.</p><p>“We’re gonna answer, right?” Ezra asked.</p><p>“Where is it coming from?” Zeb asked, hoping that somehow, they wouldn’t be from Geonosis.</p><p>He wasn’t that lucky.</p><p>“Karabast,” Zeb muttered.</p><p>Sabine gave him an odd look.  “You okay, Zeb?”</p><p>“Just tired,” he lied.  In fact, he felt awake and physically ready to face a long day.  Mentally, though, he was not prepared for what would happen next.  Again.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“How perceptive,” Kallus drawled, leading more troopers into the blocked-off hallway.</p><p>Zeb thought he knew what needed to happen.  He needed to herd Kallus into an escape pod without injuring him.</p><p>Growling, he rushed the troopers, meeting Kallus’s raised bo-rifle with his own.  He was stronger than the human, he knew, but Kallus was more nimble.  Zeb just had to leverage both their strengths to his advantage.</p><p>If he could knock Kallus off his feet, he could pick the human up and carry him.  As long as they weren’t immediately pursued, Zeb could get away with it.</p><p>He thought.</p><p>Zeb raised his bo-rifle, blocking an overhand blow by Kallus.</p><p>“Lasats.  Never know when to give up,” Kallus hissed, straining against the force Zeb was applying.</p><p>“No, we don’t,” Zeb agreed.  “And Imperials forget that lasat don’t fight like humans.”  He gave Kallus just enough time to register what he’d said before using clawed toes to sweep Kallus’s feet out from under him.</p><p>Kallus fell to the ground with a heavy <em>thump</em>, his bo-rifle slipping from his hands.  Zeb swept it up and grabbed Kallus by the shoulders of his cuirass.  He sprinted, dragging Kallus behind him as quickly as he could manage.</p><p>“Let <em>go </em>of me!” Kallus yelled, voice pitched high with stress.  “What are you <em>doing</em>?”</p><p>“I’m tryin’ to save us both,” Zeb said.  “Shut up and let me, Alex.”</p><p>“My name is <em>not Alex</em>!” Kallus protested, scrabbling for purchase on the smooth durasteel floor.</p><p>“Yeah, it is.  And someday you’ll ask me to call you that, but <em>only</em> if we both get out of here.”  Zeb gritted his teeth and picked up speed, tossing Kallus into the escape pod as if he were nothing but a rag doll.</p><p>Before Kallus could get to his feet, Zeb pulled the hatch closed and launched the pod.</p><p>“Are you <em>insane</em>?” Kallus asked.  “What could possibly be the point of this?”</p><p>“Karabast, I forgot how much you <em>didn’t shut up</em>,” Zeb grumbled.  Imperial Agent Kallus was pompous, self-satisfied, and fond of his own voice.  Rebel Alex, while talkative to friends, was not so full of himself, and Zeb missed his Alex something terrible.</p><p>“What do you mean, you <em>forgot</em>?”</p><p>“I told you to shut up,” Zeb said, looking out the viewport for Bahryn.</p><p>He couldn’t see it.</p><p>It’d been years for him, but he tried to remember the exact sequence of events that took them to Bahryn.  Kallus had tried to punch him, he’d dodged, he’d tossed Kallus over some instrument… but which one?</p><p>Kallus chuckled darkly.  “You realize the Empire will pick us up before your friends will be able to find us?  You’ve sealed your own fate.”</p><p>“Not if I adapt the transponder,” Zeb grumped back.</p><p>He reached for the device, only to be clocked on the back of the head with Kallus’s bo-rifle.</p><p>Regretting setting the weapon down, Zeb sank to the ground, the splitting pain in his skull keeping him from doing much of anything else.</p><p>Kallus reached over him and activated the transponder – to the preset Imperial frequencies, most likely.  It beeped softly as it sent out its signal, the sound piercing to Zeb’s hyper-sensitive ears.</p><p>Recognizing that something had gone very wrong, Zeb flopped back against the hatch and watched Kallus take control of the pod.  He used the tiny bit of fuel to maneuver them into a spacelane, piloting with more skill than Zeb had.</p><p>A few moments later, Zeb saw the <em>Ghost </em>flash by, chased by an Imperial light cruiser.</p><p>Zeb’s comm chirped at his belt.  “<em>Zeb?  Don’t worry, we’re coming for you.</em>”</p><p><em>No, Hera.  Run,</em> he thought.  <em>Don’t sacrifice yourselves for me</em>.</p><p>The cruiser fired its turbolasers, landing repeated shots on the <em>Ghost</em>.  Zeb watched in despair as the shields flickered and failed.</p><p>The next shot took out the dorsal turret.</p><p>Hera’s voice was strained when she spoke next.   “<em>We’re not giving up on you, Zeb!</em>”</p><p>The <em>Ghost</em> picked up speed and disappeared into hyperspace.</p><p>Kallus laughed, turning his chair to look at Zeb.  “Your friends have <em>fled</em>.  Who is going to save you from yourself now?”</p><p>“Alex…” Zeb said softly.</p><p>“Don’t call me that,” Kallus said.  “Just because your slicers found my file doesn’t mean you have the right to call me that.”</p><p>Not yet he didn’t.  Zeb held his tongue as the escape pod was picked up by the Imperial cruiser.  He scrambled to his feet as quickly as he could with a pounding headache – possibly a cracked skull – and tried to brace himself to fight again.</p><p>He never got the chance.  As soon as the hatch opened slightly, a bright blue stun beam hit him, knocking him back to the ground.</p><p>Zeb was helpless as Kallus stepped over him, standing straight and stiff and Imperial.  “Use stun binders,” the agent instructed.  “We don’t want a lasat slipping from our grasp before the Empire gets what it wants from him.”</p><p><em>Gets what it wants…?</em>  Zeb knew the Empire actively hunted all lasat within its borders – really, only Hutt Space was safe these days, for a given value of ‘safe’.  What else did the Empire want from lasat if not to complete their extermination?</p><p>He had no time to consider it, unfortunately.  Zeb was dragged off by the stormtroopers, Kallus leading the way, through the ship and into a detention cell.  Kallus stood aside as Zeb was tossed in unceremoniously.  Zeb supposed he must have deserved that for doing much the same to Kallus in the pod.</p><p>“Bring me the IT-O,” Kallus said.</p><p><em>IT-O</em>.  That was an interrogator droid – no, more of a torture droid – that the ISB were infamous for using.  They weren’t publicly known about, but in his days before becoming a Spectre, Zeb had met a few people who’d been on the wrong end of the droid’s needles.  He’d heard what sort of pain they could cause.</p><p>“What do you want, Kallus?” he asked, or tried to.  The words came out slurred and slow.</p><p>Kallus smirked – there really was no other word for the expression.  “What I want, lasat, is to know the location of your people.  What little remain of them, that is.  I want to hunt them down and complete what I started.”</p><p>“You didn’t,” Zeb said, still slowly.  “You didn’t give the order.  It wasn’t your plan.”</p><p>The spherical black droid floated into the cell.  Kallus looked at it.  “Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn’t.  What matters is where you took those other lasat.  How you survived the star cluster.  Where your fleet is based.  As soon as you tell me these things, I’ll stop.”</p><p>“Alex, you don’t want to do this,” Zeb protested.  “You’re my <em>Tinsana</em>, you don’t really want to do this to me.  I know you.  I know about your childhood, about Onderon.  I know what you really did on Lasan.  And I know the heart that’s hidden within you.  <em>Don’t do this</em>.”</p><p>Kallus let him babble, waiting patiently for Zeb to trail off.  He looked at the droid.  “You may begin,” he said.</p><p>A needle protruded from one of the droid’s arms and Zeb couldn’t even turn away as the droid came unerringly for his neck.</p><p>He let out an excruciated yelp, lightning shooting through him as the droid activated every one of his pain receptors.  It was as if someone had taken a vibroblade to his entire nervous system, carefully slicing along each neuron pathway.</p><p>Zeb was lost to the pain, almost unaware when the droid stopped because he’d retreated so far into his mind.</p><p>“Alex…” he tried again.  “<em>Ni ashkerra</em>, stop.”</p><p>“Again,” Kallus said.  “Use the <em>skirtopanol</em> this time.”</p><p>An itchy, burning sensation arose when the droid inserted its needle a second time.  Zeb’s already woozy head spun even faster.</p><p>Kallus leaned down, face-to-face with Zeb.  “Where did you take those two lasats?”</p><p>“Nowhere,” Zeb said, or at least that’s what he tried to say.</p><p>It turned out not to be what he actually said.</p><p>“Lira San?” </p><p>Zeb gulped.  He was helpless against this drug if he’d said <em>that</em>.  He hadn’t even told <em>Alex</em> about Lira San.</p><p>“Where is Lira San?”</p><p>Zeb focused on his answer this time.  He couldn’t control what he was saying, but he could register the things he gave away.  “Star cluster.”</p><p>Kallus grabbed Zeb’s chin and made him look up.  The movement made the room swirl in his vision.  All Zeb could see was Kallus’s face. </p><p>“Alex…” he said again.</p><p>“Why do you call me Alex?” Kallus asked, voice raising in anger.</p><p>“<em>Tinsana</em>.  Bond-mate.”  Zeb sighed in what was probably a theatrical fashion.  “But I’m dead.  You might be too.  I don’t know.”</p><p>Kallus arched an eyebrow.  “Well, you’ve got one of those right.  You will be dead soon enough.”  He shook Zeb’s chin.  “How do I find Lira San?”</p><p>“I will show the way,” Zeb slurred.  “‘M the Child.  Yer the Warrior.  I gotta save you.”</p><p>“There is nothing about me to save, lasat,” Kallus sneered.</p><p>“Everything,” Zeb argued.  “You’re everything.”</p><p>“And you’re nothing.  You’ll tell me how to find this Lira San and any other lasats you know of and then you will die painlessly.”  Kallus paused.  “Or I can let the IT-O kill you.  It’s your choice.”</p><p>“Kill me,” Zeb said.</p><p>Kallus stood back up.  “Fair enough.”  He motioned the droid forward again.</p><p>Zeb screamed that time, screamed until he felt the fuzzy, staticky feeling in his extremities.  The strange sensation took over from the pain, filling his senses until once again, there was nothing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was working perfectly.  Zeb had kicked Kallus just hard enough to knock him back without seriously wounding him and he could hear the pounding of the human’s boots on the durasteel floor as Kallus sprinted to catch up.</p><p>Zeb allowed himself a grin as he ducked into the escape pod.</p><p>Kallus grabbed his shoulder, wrenching him around.  Zeb dodged the punch and fought back, throwing Kallus over his shoulder.</p><p>Kallus landed on the controls for one of the engines, knocking it off-line and sending the pod careening in a different direction.</p><p>Scrambling for the controls, Kallus tried desperately to slow the pod’s descent, but Zeb knew it was pointless.</p><p>As they neared Bahryn, Zeb instinctively grabbed Kallus, throwing him to the rear of the pod, and bracing himself in front of the human.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Kallus yelled.</p><p>“Tryin’ to keep you from getting hurt!” Zeb called back.  It occurred to him that maybe that was a <em>bad</em> idea, but there wasn’t time to change anything.</p><p>The pod crashed through the ice and Zeb felt bones crunch in his left leg.  Kallus landed on top of him, exacerbating the injury.</p><p>Biting back a pained yelp, Zeb pushed against Kallus, forcing the man to roll off his back. </p><p>It was no surprise when Zeb heard the tell-tale sound of Kallus brandishing his bo-rifle.</p><p>“Go ahead,” he growled.  “You’ll still be stuck here.”</p><p>Balancing on the viewport frame, Kallus peered at him over the bo-rifle’s sights.  “What did you do?  You’ve killed us both.”</p><p>Zeb pushed himself to sit up, being very gentle with his leg.  His whole leg throbbed painfully and he couldn’t quite narrow down what or how many bones were broken.  It was obvious, though, that he wasn’t going to be able to stand, at least not without help.</p><p>He pointed toward the pod’s first aid kit, gripping his own bo-rifle tightly.  “I need that,” he said.  “Will you hand it to me?”</p><p>Kallus didn’t move.  “Why?”</p><p>“<em>Karabast</em>,” Zeb said, exasperated.  He huffed and tried to reach the kit himself.  It wasn’t possible unless he stood on his good leg.  “I broke my kriffing leg, that’s why I need it.”</p><p>Kallus hesitated for just a moment, then lowered his bo-rifle and kicked the kit Zeb’s way.  “That’s not going to help you when the Empire gets here, lasat.”</p><p>Zeb snorted bitterly.  “The Empire isn’t comin’, Kallus.  They’ve already left you behind.”</p><p>“<em>What</em> would make you think <em>that</em>?”</p><p>“Kriff, you’re dramatic,” Zeb grumped.  He knew, for the most part, that the Imperial bluster was an act, that underneath was an honorable yet ambitious man who’d simply taken the wrong path.  A dark path, to be sure, but not one he couldn’t come back from.</p><p>Unfortunately, not all of the dramatics were an act.  Alex had still been prone to panic when they weren’t in battle, over the smallest of things, and watching his facial expressions change drastically when he was needled was – had been – one of Zeb’s favorite pastimes.</p><p>Zeb grabbed the box, straightened his leg the best he could, and used his bo-rifle in staff mode to serve as a splint.  It wasn’t perfect, just battlefield first aid, but maybe it would last until they were found.</p><p>…if they were going to be found.</p><p>“Karabast,” he muttered.</p><p>“Karabast?  What does that even mean?” Kallus asked.</p><p><em>More than I have time to explain right now</em>.  “It means you need to stop pointing that thing at me or else we’re both gonna die down here.”</p><p>Kallus quirked an eyebrow.  “You really think your friends will find you?  They’ll have fled by now.”</p><p>“Nah.  They don’t leave family behind.”  Zeb pointed to the open hatch.  “Why don’tcha check out our situation?”</p><p>“And turn my back on you?” Kallus shook his head.  “I don’t think so.”</p><p>Zeb sighed.  “I’m not gonna shoot you in the back.  If I kill you, we’ll be fighting face-to-face.”</p><p>Kallus didn’t say anything right away, but he lowered his bo-rifle again.  He looked up.  “It’ll be night soon.  We need to get the emergency heater running.”</p><p>“It’s too cold for that,” Zeb said.  “Maybe there’s something warm out there.”</p><p>“Out there?  Did you hit your head as well?” Kallus scoffed.</p><p>“Just <em>look</em>,” Zeb said, trying to hide his irritation.  “I’ll do what I can do in here.”</p><p>Looking at him warily, Zeb dug out the transponder.  It had been damaged in the crash, just like before, but not too badly.  By the time Kallus crawled back into the pod, shivering, Zeb had it set on a broad-spectrum frequency.  The <em>Ghost </em>could find that.</p><p>“You know the signal will never reach through the ice,” Kallus said.  “There’s nothing out there except ice.  No food, nothing to keep us warm, no way to get out.”</p><p>“There’s always a way,” Zeb muttered.  He wouldn’t be able to climb out with his leg.  Even if Kallus could bear his weight long enough, the human didn’t have the claws necessary to cling to the ice pillars.</p><p>But if he could get out of the pod, then he could throw the transponder out of the hole.  He’d done it before.  Once they got close, the Spectres could track the exact location and figure out a way to get them out.  Jedi-lift them, maybe.</p><p>And then he could take Kallus back to the Rebellion before the man got frostbite and nearly died.</p><p>But if Kallus didn’t owe his life to Zeb, would he make the choice to defect and become Fulcrum?</p><p>Well, one thing was certain.  If they didn’t get out of this hole alive, Kallus would <em>never</em> become Fulcrum.</p><p>Carefully, Zeb pulled himself to his feet – <em>foot</em>, really – and stood there, balancing, while he tried to figure out how to climb out of the pod.  Hoping for some help, he explained his plan to Kallus.</p><p>“You think the transponder will survive the storm up there?” Kallus asked.</p><p>“Maybe.”  Zeb shrugged.  “But it’s our best chance.”</p><p>A roar echoed through the cave.  Kallus’s eyes went wide.  “Our best chance if we don’t get eaten by that thing.”</p><p><em>The bird-lizard things.  Kriff!</em> Zeb cursed mentally.  He hadn’t forgotten them, he’d just hoped they wouldn’t have to deal with them.  “Help me,” he said again.</p><p>With some reluctance, Kallus braced himself at the top of the pod and held out a hand for Zeb.</p><p>The touch felt electric and <em>right</em>, as it always had.  Kallus’s hand fit in his, as it always had.  But Kallus seemed highly uncomfortable pulling Zeb to the pod’s door, which he never had.</p><p>Zeb tried to ignore that and held onto the pod, looking around the cavern.  If he focused, maybe he could hear–</p><p>–there.  The meteorite that sang.  He pointed it out.  “There’s something glowing over there and there’s steam.  Something warm’s in that hole.  Go get it before whatever that thing was gets here.”</p><p>Kallus followed where he was pointing and nodded.  “I’ll be right back,” he said.</p><p>Zeb relaxed a little as Kallus climbed out of the pod and made his way to the meteorite.  He’d convinced Kallus not to kill him, he had a plan to summon the <em>Ghost</em>, and Kallus was even talking to him civilly.</p><p>This was going about as well as Zeb could have hoped.</p><p>At least until the bird-lizard lumbered out of one of the tunnels, blocking the path between Kallus and the pod.</p><p>It bellowed and snapped at Kallus, who dropped the meteorite and drew his bo-rifle.  He fired, trying to edge his way around the beast, but it kept coming at him.</p><p>It’d taken both of them before, Zeb recalled.  He clawed at his bo-rifle splint, trying to undo the binding in time, but his blood chilled when he heard a second bellow.</p><p>“There are <em>two</em> of them!” he heard Kallus call, voice pitched in fear.</p><p>Zeb gave up trying to untie the bindings and used his claws to snap them.  He collapsed the bo-rifle back into blaster mode and took aim.</p><p>The view wasn’t pretty.  Kallus had been pushed onto his back, his bo-rifle dropped.  He was scrambling backward, trying to hide behind a pillar.</p><p>Zeb fired quickly, trying to attract the attention of the bird-lizards, but they were focused.</p><p>Trying not to give into his growing horror, Zeb kept up the barrage of blasts, firing as rapidly as he could.</p><p>One of the bird-lizards snapped its beak and caught Kallus around the waist.</p><p>Zeb waited for a sickening crunch, but it never came.  The beast flung Kallus high into the air instead. </p><p>Making what could only be described as a terrified shriek, Kallus hit the ceiling of the cave with a <em>thump</em> before falling to the ground again.</p><p>Nothing Zeb was doing seemed to help.  He fired at the bird-lizards, he bellowed to get their attention, he even pulled himself out of the escape pod and landed on his bad leg trying to get to them.</p><p>Pain nearly as bad as the torture shot through his body, but he crawled anyway, hauling himself across the ice with his claws.  All the while, he watched as the bird-lizards tossed Kallus.</p><p>At some point, the human’s cries stopped. </p><p>Right after, Zeb felt the static again.</p><p><em>No! </em>he thought.  <em>I was so close!  We were going to make it!</em></p><p>Darkness creeped in at the edges of his vision, and soon everything was black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Try as he might, Zeb couldn’t get Kallus to Bahryn in the same state they had been in before.  Something was always different – and that something got one or the other of them killed.</p><p>So he started trying a new tactic: finding the right amount of injury to get away from Kallus on the Imperial station but not cause permanent harm.</p><p>Of course, once he figured out that winning combination, Zeb had to figure out how to isolate Kallus.</p><p>His next chance came at Horizon Base.  Just as before, they walked into Kallus’s ambush.  Unlike before, Zeb was prepared.</p><p>He bowled through the stormtroopers as soon as they appeared, reacting even before Kanan and Ezra with their Force-attuned instincts had their lightsabers up. </p><p>Kallus was in the middle of the group, not in the back, nor did that strange expression cross his face, so Zeb knew he hadn’t hurt him back over Geonosis. </p><p>Once he was past the troopers, Zeb stood there, waiting for Kallus to come to him.  “Good to see you again, agent,” he said, using the term playfully.  He wasn’t lying; this might not be <em>his </em>Alex, but it was still <em>an </em>Alex, buried somewhere beneath that Imperial shell.</p><p>There had to be a way to reach him.  Zeb didn’t know what it was, but lasat didn’t give up, so he was going to find it.</p><p>They faced each other, Zeb trying to think of what to say next, Kallus glaring, the ends of his bo-rifle reflected in his eyes.</p><p>“I can hardly say the same, lasat,” Kallus said.</p><p>“Oh come on,” Zeb said, deciding to try and keep things light.  “We’ve been doing this long enough we might as well use our names.  Don’t you think, Alexsandr?”</p><p>The sneer on Kallus’s face became a snarl.  “Don’t call me that.”</p><p>“Alex, then?” Zeb said.  “Or d’you like another nickname?  Kal?  Sasha?”</p><p>Another strange expression flashed on Kallus’s face, as if he were fighting back a response.  It only lasted a moment, however.  Kallus rushed forward, engaging Zeb.</p><p>Zeb fought back, just as hard as he’d always done when he and Alex sparred.  He held his own, as he always did – until suddenly Kallus hit him with an unfamiliar move, hitting Zeb in the neck with the end of his bo-rifle.</p><p>The electricity left Zeb stunned for a moment and a moment was all Kallus needed.  Mirroring their first confrontation, Zeb fell to his knees and Kallus raised his bo-rifle to strike a final blow.</p><p>Kanan and Ezra were occupied with the stormtroopers, Zeb knew.  There wouldn’t be last-minute Jedi assistance as before. </p><p>Zeb braced himself but didn’t shut his eyes.  If he was going to die again, he wanted Alex to be the last thing he saw.</p><p>A blaster bolt hit Kallus in the shoulder, just under his armor, making him spin around and let go of his bo-rifle.</p><p>Shocked, Zeb looked over.  Hera was still visible over the crate with her blaster.  She gave Zeb a short nod and Zeb watched her fire again, twice in quick succession.  The smell of burned flesh hit Zeb’s nose.</p><p>Kallus dropped down to a crouch, holding his side.  Zeb could just see the angry edges of blaster burns larger than his hand could cover.</p><p>“Kallus, listen to me,” Zeb said.  “Hera’s got you targeted.  I’ll stop her, but you have to promise to <em>listen</em> to what I have to say.”</p><p>Kallus’s lip curled.  “Why would I do that?”</p><p>“For the sake of your honor,” Zeb said.  He held up a hand in Hera’s direction, hoping she’d notice and quit firing.  “For your future, so you have one.”</p><p>“For my honor?”  Kallus laughed, a harsh sound cut short as he held his side tighter.  “What do you know of my honor?”</p><p>“I know you got your bo-rifle through the <em>Boosahn Keeraw</em>.  An Honor Guardsman gave it to you.  None of my men would have done that unless you deserved it.”</p><p>“I told you I ordered the use of the ion disruptors.  Do you find that <em>honorable</em>?” Kallus asked.</p><p>“If I believed you, it wouldn’t be.  But I don’t think you did.  That decision was made over your head and you had to comply.”  Zeb reached out and picked up Kallus’s bo-rifle.  He collapsed it back to blaster mode and held it out for Kallus.  “We’ll get out of here, let you live, but you have to start questioning the Empire.  What happened to Geonosis?  What, exactly, did you attack Lasan over?  We weren’t in rebellion because we weren’t part of the Republic.  We were minding our own business until the Empire landed.”</p><p>Kallus was quiet as Zeb spoke, but he wasn’t sure if any of it was sinking in.  The human stared Zeb in the eyes as he reached out for his weapon.  His gaze darted down to check that the bo-rifle was in good condition.</p><p>Zeb saw the motion before Kallus got the bo-rifle aimed at his gut.  He fired.</p><p>The close-range blast hurt like all the Sith hells, but it wasn’t enough to take Zeb down.  His skin was thick enough to take a hit and keep going.</p><p>“<em>Zeb!</em>” called Ezra from down the hall.</p><p>Zeb answered by standing up and wrenching the bo-rifle from Kallus’s grasp.  He set it on his back holster and then grabbed Kallus by his cuirass again.  Instead of dragging him to an escape pod, he walked them both through the few stormtroopers left, Kallus protesting loudly the whole time.</p><p>“Zeb, what are you doing?” Hera asked.</p><p>“Got us a prisoner.  Better ‘n having him chasing after us, right?” Zeb said.  “‘Sides, he’ll have lots of intel for us once we get him some bacta.”</p><p>“Are you sure this is a good idea, buddy?” Kanan asked warily.</p><p>“Yes,” Zeb said.  “Let’s get out of here!”</p><p>The Spectres ran, taking pot shots at the remaining troopers until they fell back to regroup.  The market area was deserted – everyone probably hid when they heard the blasters start up – so there was no one to notice Zeb drag Kallus into the hold and toss him against the wall.</p><p>“Where’s Chop?” asked Ezra.  “We’ve got to get Chopper!”</p><p>Breathing heavily from nerves and pain and exhilaration – <em>he had Kallus, he would have time to convince him when he was in the Rebel brig</em> – Zeb shook his head.  “Chopper will figure out how to get back to us.”</p><p>“He’s right.  Chopper knew what he was doing,” Hera said.</p><p>Everyone stared at Hera with a little shock.  She normally would be the first to defend Chopper – except Zeb remembered this happening before.</p><p>“We have to think of the fleet first,” Hera said.  “We’ll come back for him.”</p><p>The Spectres – minus Zeb – headed up to the cockpit.  Zeb felt the repulsorlifts kick in, followed by the sublight engines.  They were away safely.</p><p>Zeb crouched next to Kallus, who winced as he tried to sit up straighter.  “We will treat you fairly,” he promised.  “You won’t be tortured or anything.”</p><p>Kallus snorted.  “You expect me to believe that?”</p><p>“Just because the Empire would do it doesn’t mean we would,” Zeb pointed out.  “That’s why we’re fighting, to be different.  You oughtta know that, you’ve studied us.”</p><p>“You want anarchy.”</p><p>“We want the Republic back, fresh and new without corruption.”</p><p>Kallus laughed shortly, making him grimace.  “You’ll never separate the Republic from corruption,” he said.  “The corruption is what made the Republic run.  I saw it close up.”</p><p>“I know,” Zeb said.  “You grew up close to the governmental districts, way down in the depths of Coruscant.”</p><p>“Not <em>that</em> far down.”  Kallus almost looked offended. </p><p>Zeb laughed, the wound in his stomach hurting with the motion.  “Right.  You still had your dignity.”  He tossed the bo-rifles up to the platform above them and sat next to Kallus.  “Why’d you join up with the Empire, anyway?”</p><p>He knew the answer.  He knew all the answers to the questions he posed, but he needed Kallus to tell him again anyhow.</p><p>Kallus didn’t answer, though.  He slumped a little, pulling his knees to his chest, and Zeb realized his blaster burns were getting to him.  Zeb thumbed his comlink and called for someone to bring him bacta.</p><p>A few minutes later, Sabine slid down the ladder with a first aid kit.  She eyed them both warily.  “We’re patching him up, too?”</p><p>“Yes,” Zeb said.  “Here, toss me some bacta so I can get myself and then I’ll help you with him.”</p><p>Sabine dug in the pack and handed Zeb a tube of sticky bacta gel.  She pulled out another one and knelt by Kallus’s side.</p><p>“Hera’s a good shot,” she said.  “You’re gonna need real medical attention once we get back to the Fleet.”</p><p>“And if I refuse?” Kallus asked.</p><p>Sabine shrugged.  “Then you’ll either heal up well and have a nasty scar or it’ll get infected and you die.  Take your pick.”  She looked at Zeb with an expression that clearly said he was crazy for bringing Agent Kallus with them</p><p>Zeb offered a slight smile as he spread the bacta gel across his stomach.  He couldn’t explain why he <em>really</em> wanted Kallus to come along, but getting intel and getting him off their tails were good byproducts.</p><p>“Okay, I’ve done all I know how to,” Sabine said, standing back up.</p><p>“You’ve put a bandage on me,” Kallus said.  “I could have done that myself.”</p><p>“Blame the Imperial Academy first aid courses,” Sabine said.  “That’s where I learned what I know.”</p><p>“Of course,” Kallus sneered.  “You ran after creating the one weapon that could kill your own people.”</p><p>Sabine bit her lip.  “I learned what the Empire was.  Something you obviously haven’t,” she bit back.</p><p>“Sabine,” Zeb said.  “I’ll watch him.  You go on back.”  The last thing Zeb wanted was Kallus needling any of the Spectres more.</p><p>He had to figure out what to say, anyhow.  Kallus was in their debt if he got better – if he <em>let </em>himself get better – and Zeb could maybe leverage that.</p><p>“You know I wasn’t kidding,” he said.  “You’ll be treated fairly.  Imprisoned, probably, but better conditions than an Imperial prison.  Plus, we don’t torture, so you don’t need to worry about that.”</p><p>“I’m not worried,” Kallus said.  He picked up something from behind him and threw it straight up to the ceiling.</p><p>A fast beeping began and Zeb realized it was one of Sabine’s detonators – and Kallus had just planted it on the roof of the hold, right below the cockpit.  He must have pickpocketed her.</p><p>Kriff, Zeb should have remembered that Kallus was skilled in that from childhood.</p><p>“<em>Alex!</em>” Zeb cried, scrambling to his feet.  “What are you doing?”</p><p>“My job.”  The agent got to his feet, dropping the ‘badly injured captive’ act.  “Ridding the galaxy of Rebels in any way I can.”</p><p>Zeb started toward the ladder – if he got high enough, he could leap and grab the detonator and disable it.</p><p>If he was quick enough; the beeping was getting faster.</p><p>Kallus grabbed onto Zeb’s belt, hauling him back and away from the ladder.  “I won’t be a prisoner,” he said.  “And you won’t be harassing Imperial citizens any more.”</p><p>Zeb tried to wrest himself from Kallus’s grasp, but the agent held on tight.  Zeb knew he could climb hauling Kallus’s weight, but he wouldn’t make the jump or get there fast enough.</p><p>He only had seconds.  All the Spectres only had seconds.</p><p>Zeb turned his head so he could see Kallus one more time.  “Someday I’ll get through to you,” he said.  “I love you, Alex.”</p><p>The bewildered expression on Kallus’s face was all Zeb focused on as the staticky feeling took over yet again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've gotten spoiled updating frequently, but I'm about to be out of town through the holidays, so there may not be an update until the week of New Year's.  Be patient with me!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After all his efforts to get Kallus back to the Rebellion failed, Zeb decided to wait things out.  Surely another possibility would present itself, right?</p><p>He did his best to change things for the better – making sure people went in pairs to set up the sensors around Chopper Base, for example – but his efforts to save Kanan’s sight were for naught.  But what could Zeb do besides warn Kanan to be careful of who they met?  He hadn’t confided in anyone that he was in the <em>Talinad</em>. </p><p>Watching Kanan deal with that loss wasn’t any easier the second time around.</p><p>Zeb knew that Kanan would begin to accept things more once he talked to the Bendu, that strange being who would end the battle there on Atollon, who was also a figure featuring in lasat legend and lore.  And when Kanan accepted things, Ezra would stop dabbling with the Dark Side.</p><p>How could he get Kanan out there, though?</p><p>The only way Zeb could think of was to find the Bendu himself and then show Kanan the way.  At first, Zeb just got lost in the Atollon wilderness – the rocks and vegetation all looked the same – but then he had an idea.</p><p>Carefully, he reformed his bo-rifle into the same configuration the ancients used, the configuration that had led them to Lira San.</p><p>“Okay, Ashla,” Zeb muttered.  “Take me to your brother.” </p><p>Zeb held the bo-rifle out before him, eyes closed, and tried to open himself to the world around him, as he had before.  It was a little difficult when he thought about the krykna that could be creeping up on him, but the soft pulse of the sensor next to him helped him focus.</p><p><em>COME, IF YOU MUST, </em>Zeb heard, a rich voice in his head.</p><p><em>Yes, I must,</em> he thought, following the pull of his bo-rifle.  Half an hour’s hike later, he stopped in a hollow before what appeared to be yet another large mushroom plant.  The bo-rifle no longer pulling at him, he lowered it and watched as the plant <em>woke up</em> and became the strange face he’d seen in the sky.</p><p><em>“WHAT DO YOU WANT, CHILD OF LASAN</em>?” the thing boomed.</p><p>“You’re the Bendu,” Zeb said.  “The balancing point.  My friend isn’t balanced and needs your help.”</p><p>“YOU ARE NOT IN BALANCE, EITHER,” the Bendu said.  “YOU ARE IN THE DREAMING, ARE YOU NOT?”</p><p>“I am,” Zeb answered, realizing he shouldn’t have been surprised the Bendu saw that.</p><p>“WHAT IS YOUR TASK?”</p><p>Zeb straightened up a little.  “I must save my <em>Tinsana</em> from himself.”</p><p>“NOT JUST THAT, I THINK,” the Bendu mused.  “YOU MUST SAVE MORE THAN ONE BEING.”</p><p>Zeb frowned.  Was there something else he was supposed to be doing?  Was that why nothing had worked so far?</p><p>“SAVE YOUR <em>TINSANA</em> AND YOU SHALL SAVE ALL YOU CARE ABOUT,” the Bendu said.  “YOU SHOULD HAVE SET EVENTS IN MOTION THAT WOULD HELP BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE.”</p><p>“Balance to the Force?”  Only Skywalker had talked about that, back in his waking life.  Not that Zeb had talked to the Jedi much, but these things had a way of spreading through the Rebel gossip chain.  But how did saving Kallus bring balance to the Force?  “How can <em>I </em>do that?”</p><p>The Bendu leaned down and flicked a pebble toward Zeb.  As it rolled toward Zeb, it bumped other pebbles, sending them rolling as well. </p><p><em>Oh</em>.  By making Kallus question the Empire and ultimately switch sides, others were saved who wouldn’t have been otherwise.  Kanan and Ezra, maybe, when they went to spy on the TIE-Defenders – and if Ezra died, then who would take Thrawn out of the equation?  The entirety of Chopper Base during Thrawn’s siege – if Phoenix Cell was destroyed, would the Alliance survive?  Would Lothal ever be free?  Would there <em>be</em> a Rebellion to stop the Death Star?  And if–</p><p>“YOU BEGIN TO SEE.”</p><p>“I think I do,” Zeb said.  “I see <em>what </em>needs to happen, but I don’t see <em>how</em>.  I haven’t been able to get things to go right.  No matter what I try, I mess up.”</p><p>“THEN PERHAPS YOU GIVE UP?” the Bendu asked.  “LET THE UNIVERSE GO AS IT WILL?”</p><p>“No,” Zeb said firmly.  “I won’t do that.  Lasat never know when to give up.”</p><p>“ONE LASAT DOES NOT, PERHAPS.”</p><p>Zeb nodded, feeling more certain than ever.  “This Lasat is going to save his <em>Tinsana</em>.  No matter what.”</p><p>The Bendu gave an enigmatic smile before disappearing back into the landscape.</p><p>Zeb looked around.  Krykna skittered on the edge of the hollow, but scattered when he walked their direction.</p><p>Time to get back to base.  He needed to send Kanan on his own journey.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It didn’t seem much longer before a badly coded message reached Phoenix Cell.  A youthful voice – <em>Wedge was so young,</em> Zeb realized – asked for help defecting with his friends.</p><p>“It is a near certainty that the Empire has intercepted this message,” Sato said.</p><p>“So what?” Ezra asked.  “We don’t go?”</p><p>“If we go, we have a good extraction plan,” Hera said.</p><p>Zeb waffled over what to say.  Without the help of Fulcrum, of Kallus, Sabine and the pilots might not make it out.  But if they didn’t go, Wedge and Hobbie definitely wouldn’t make it out.</p><p>Ezra banged the holo table with his fist.  “I’ll go.”</p><p>“No,” Hera said.  “Sabine will.”</p><p>“What?  We need someone to pretend to be a cadet and I’ve done that before!”</p><p>“And I really was an Imperial cadet once,” Sabine said.</p><p>Zeb grinned.  “She’s also a better pilot ‘n you, kid.”</p><p>Ezra pouted, but the plan went ahead: insert Sabine into Skystrike Academy, let her identify the pilots who wanted out, and then Ezra would command a ship to pick them up.</p><p>Zeb was, once again, left behind.  The worst part of the Empire’s human-only policies was being forced to wait at the base so often.</p><p>He waited impatiently for the message that Sabine was out.</p><p>It never came.</p><p>Instead, Zeb dreamed. </p><p>
  <em>“My clan taught me better!” Sabine yelled before attacking Pryce and breaking free.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Zeb saw her run through the hallways until she found the cell where Wedge and Hobbie were arguing about how to escape.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We were coming to get you!” Wedge said earnestly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s cute,” Sabine said.  “Now let’s go!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They ran through the halls – did they even know where they’re going? – and skidded to a halt when Kallus and a company of troopers stepped out into their path.  Kallus slammed a wall control and the blast doors closed around them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Found our traitors,” Kallus said.  “And our Spectre.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Kallus,” spat Sabine.  “You won’t stop the Rebellion.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I shall stop <strong>you</strong> and that is enough for today.”  He stepped to the side of the hall.  “You may fire.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The troopers took aim and blaster fire filled the air.</em>
</p><p>Zeb jerked awake, yelping a <em>“NO!</em>” as the static overcame him once more.</p><p><em>I’ll do it differently next time,</em> he swore before things went black.  <em>I’ll get to him.  I have to.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Short chapter, I know, but there is more coming!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the hundred-and-seventeenth time, Zeb opened his eyes to the soft darkness of his cabin.</p><p>Usually, he would stay in bed and consider his next moves, but after that last go around, Zeb was restless and frustrated.  He crept out of his room and started up the caf machine in the common area while he made himself something to eat.</p><p>Might as well prep things if everyone was going to wake up soon, anyhow.</p><p>He might have been louder than he meant to be, because the sound of a cabin door <em>swoosh</em>ing open caught Zeb’s ear.  He looked and Kanan leaned in the doorway, looking more awake than he had a right to be. </p><p>“Buddy,” Kanan said, the slightest hint of a question in his tone.  “It’s still early.”</p><p>“I know,” Zeb said, realizing that he wasn’t controlling his own voice.  Frustration bled out with every word.  “I’m sorry I woke you.”</p><p>Kanan arched his eyebrows.  “Need to talk about something?”</p><p>“No,” Zeb said instinctively, then froze in place.  “I mean, yes.”</p><p>“Okay,” Kanan said, sitting at the table.  “Let’s talk.  What’s going on?”</p><p>Zeb took his time, puttering at the waffle maker and pouring caf for Kanan.  All the while, Kanan waited patiently.</p><p>Finally, unable to feasibly procrastinate any more, Zeb handed Kanan his caf and sat the waffles down where they both could snack.</p><p>“I ever tell you about the <em>Talinad</em>?  What lasat believe happen after death?”  Zeb knew he hadn’t, but he had to open the conversation <em>somehow</em>.</p><p>“I don’t believe so,” Kanan said.  “Tell me.”</p><p>Zeb picked at one of the waffles, tearing it into bite-sized pieces.  “It’s our belief that after we die, lasat go to the <em>Talinad</em>.  Uh, ‘Dreaming’ is a good translation.  We’re supposed to be able to see the impact we made on the galaxy, big or small, before moving on to a final rest.”</p><p>“Okay,” Kanan said.  “This just for lasat or do you think that happens to all of us?”</p><p>“Just lasat, I think.  I never really paid much attention to that sort of lore.  It seemed pointless to me to care about what happened after I died.”</p><p>“Seemed?”</p><p>Zeb frowned slightly.  Kanan was sharp as ever.  “It’s not pointless now because I discovered how it all works.  You’re shown what happens if the most important thing you ever did never happened and you’ve got to fix it before moving on.  Or I have to.  I think.”</p><p>Kanan blew across the surface of his caf, cooling it down.  “You have to?  Because you’re lasat?”</p><p>Zeb chewed on some waffle slowly, building his courage to tell the truth.  “Because that’s where we are now.  I’m dead and I’m caught in the Dreaming until I can convince Agent Kallus to defect from the Empire.”</p><p>It was a good thing Kanan didn’t have a mouthful of caf, because he sputtered, “Dead?  Wait, Agent <em>Kallus</em>?  Defect?”</p><p>Zeb decided to go for broke.  “Kanan, this – today – happened seven years ago for me.  A lot happened in that time.”</p><p>Kanan swallowed and composed himself again.  “And one of those things is Agent Kallus defecting?”</p><p>“It’s more than that,” Zeb whispered.  “He doesn’t just defect.  He becomes, a couple years from now, my <em>Tinsana</em>, my bond-mate.”</p><p>Setting his caf down, Kanan blinked slowly as he digested that information.  “You’re telling me that not only does Agent Kallus – the fanatical guy responsible for using the T-7s – become a Rebel, you and he get together.  Stop pulling my leg, Zeb.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Zeb said, still quiet.  “He lied about the T-7s.  He was too young to have any real decision-making power.  He was following orders and didn’t know what they’d do.”</p><p>“You do remember he helped torture me, don’t you?” Kanan asked.</p><p>“I’ve never forgotten and neither did he,” Zeb said.  “He’ll apologize to you and mean it.  Or he will if I can get this right.”</p><p>“Get what right?”</p><p>“In my life, Alex – that’s Kallus’s name, Alexsandr – and I got stranded on one of Geonosis’s moons, one that was covered in ice and snow.  We had to rely on each other to survive.  He came with us after and was imprisoned.”  Zeb took another bit of waffle.  “He and I talked while he was there and it made him start questioning the Empire.  He became one of the Fulcrum agents, spying for us until he got caught.  We rescued him, got him back to the Rebellion, and he worked to become a better person.”</p><p>Kanan nodded, though he didn’t look convinced yet.  “And, what?  You’ve got to replicate that order of events?”</p><p>“That’s what I thought,” Zeb said, “but I’ve done this a ton of times already and something always happens differently.  When something irreversible happens, I start back over, here and now.”</p><p>“So why now?”</p><p>“Because it’s all about to start.  There’s going to be a distress call, we go to Geonosis, I get into a fight with Alex and get separated from the rest of you.  That’s how it begins.  I just have to get it to end right.”</p><p>Kanan put a hand on Zeb’s shoulder.  “I can tell you’re not joking,” he said, “even if it sounds fantastical to me.  How long have you been doing this?”</p><p>“More times than you want to know,” Zeb admitted.  He sighed.  “I’m so used to Alex, the good man I loved – <em>do </em>love – that Agent Kallus is jarring.  I miss my Alex.  I don’t even know if he’s still alive or if he died in the battle that got me.  He was right next to me, he might be dead too.”</p><p>“I can’t tell you that,” Kanan said.  “But if you’re telling me there’s something redeemable in Agent Kallus, I believe you.”</p><p>Zeb relaxed a little.  “Thank you.”  He glanced at the chrono.  “It’s time,” he said.</p><p>Moments later, the emergency comm alert sounded through the ship.</p><p>Zeb didn’t bother hurrying, but the other Spectres spilled out of their rooms and ran to the cockpit.  Kanan stood next to Zeb in the hall and put a hand on his shoulder.</p><p>“I have a feeling you’re close,” he said.  “But it might take something desperate to break the cycle.”</p><p>Zeb frowned as Kanan walked off.  He blinked and for a second, he swore he saw Kanan as he’d been just before he died, stupid haircut and all.</p><p>The image only lasted a moment, leaving Zeb wondering if he’d actually seen it at all.</p><p>Everything played out just as it had every other time: answering the distress call only to walk into a trap.</p><p>As they got ready to explore the Imperial station, Zeb considered Kanan’s words – and Kanan himself.  Was Kanan’s advice a little hint from the Force?  The Ashla?</p><p>Something desperate.</p><p>Zeb could do desperate.</p><p>And he did.</p><p>“How perceptive,” drawled Kallus.  He stopped and let the stormtroopers go in front of him.</p><p>Zeb didn’t let them stop him.  He never had.  This time, though, he holstered his bo-rifle as he neared Kallus.</p><p>The move seemed to startle Kallus, enough that he lowered his bo-rifle.  Zeb barreled up to him and grabbed his head, cradling his face in his hands.</p><p>“What are you <em>doing</em>?” Kallus said, too shocked to sound angry.</p><p>“Alex, Kal, Sasha, whatever you want to be called, <em>listen to me</em>.  I love you.  I love you even though you’ve done your best to kill me over and over.  I love you even though you’ve succeeded a lot.  I love  you and I always will.”  Zeb yanked Kallus close and forced a kiss on him.</p><p>Surprisingly, Kallus didn’t fight the kiss, at least not after an initial muffled noise of confusion.</p><p>Zeb had just enough time to wonder why before he felt the vibroblade slide between his ribs.</p><p>He let go of Kallus, who took a quick step back.</p><p>“Alex…” Zeb said weakly, struggling to breathe.  The blade had gone deep and must have punctured a lung in addition to bleeding profusely.</p><p>As Zeb fell to his knees, he looked up at Kallus.  Strangely, the human’s face went from determined anger to something akin to horror and he dropped the vibroblade.</p><p>Lightheaded, Zeb thought Kallus might have even said his name.  But Kallus wouldn’t call him ‘Zeb’, not yet, would he? </p><p>The static began again and Zeb didn’t fight it this time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please note the tag changes!  I've really had trouble deciding how to tag this fic and I think I finally got it.</p><p>Also, Merry Christmas Eve for those who celebrate!  The next/last chapter will come on Boxing Day, so look for it then!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zeb opened his eyes with more determination than he’d felt since… well, since he entered the <em>Talinad</em>. </p><p><em>Something</em> had changed in Kallus when Zeb kissed him.</p><p><em>Something</em> was different now.</p><p>Obviously the spontaneous kiss wasn’t the way to go – even if Kallus didn’t kill Zeb, it would be too confusing and not direct him to question his loyalties.</p><p>But maybe there was a chance he could try the old method again.  Draw Kallus into the escape pod.</p><p>Zeb choreographed their hallway fight as best he could, ending by kicking Kallus back – not too hard, of course.  He ran down the hallway, using his comlink to tell Hera not to wait on him, and skidded into an escape pod.</p><p>Zeb had just enough time to sit down in the seat before Kallus entered the pod.  Zeb slammed the controls to launch and spun the chair in time to block Kallus’s attempted blow.</p><p>Kallus fought fiercely in the small space, making Zeb have to concentrate on each move.  It was too late by the time he realized they weren’t going to crash on Bahryn: they were headed to Geonosis itself.</p><p>The pod shot towards the surface, causing a temporary unspoken truce as they watched a pit come closer and closer until it filled the viewport.</p><p>They crashed into the side of the pit, bouncing back and forth between the sides, busting through bridges as they tumbled.  Zeb managed to brace himself against the floor and ceiling of the pod, but Kallus lost his footing, crying out in pain as he landed on a shoulder.</p><p>The pod came to rest on one of the bridges, balancing precariously.  Zeb stepped over Kallus, sitting on the floor holding his injured shoulder, and opened the hatch.</p><p>“What have you done?” Kallus asked, voice pitched.</p><p>“What have <em>I</em> done?  Mate, you’re the one who followed me into the pod.  If I’d been alone, I could have stopped it before it hit the atmosphere,” Zeb grumped, even though the plan had always been to get Kallus alone.</p><p>He poked his head out and noticed that if they were very careful, they could step from the pod onto the bridge.  It wasn’t the most stable-looking of bridges, but it would have to do. </p><p>“Okay, gonna need you to come stand in the center of the pod so I can step out and then I’ll turn it so you can get out,” Zeb said.</p><p>Kallus glared daggers.  “How do I know you won’t just toss the pod further down this hole?”</p><p>“You’ll just have to trust me.”  Zeb flashed him a grin.  “‘Sides, you’re hurt.  If we’re going to fight again, I want you at a hundred percent so it’s closer to even.”</p><p>Begrudgingly, Kallus moved to the middle of the pod, still nursing his shoulder.</p><p>Zeb clung to the pod’s hatch and stepped as far as he could until he had toes firmly on the bridge.  A bit of careful balancing later, he was standing on sort of solid ground.  He grabbed onto the pod and pulled the hatch toward him.</p><p>Kallus emerged, disbelieving.  “You actually kept your word.”</p><p>“Lasat are honorable beings,” Zeb said.</p><p>Kallus huffed.  “If you say so.”</p><p>Pointing to the closest tunnel, Zeb said, “Go wait over there.  I’ll grab the transponder.”</p><p>“You think your friends will find you?  They’ve fled!” Kallus said, moving to the other side of Zeb.</p><p>Zeb yanked the transponder out of place, noticing that it wasn’t flashing.  “It’s damaged, but I can fix it,” he said.</p><p>“Good,” Kallus said, watching Zeb with a singular intensity.  “The Empire will find us.  Cooperate and you will get a trial.”</p><p>Zeb scoffed.  “Not gonna happen.  I know what happens to lasat in Imperial prisons.  They go in and never come back out, if they’re not killed outright before they get there.”</p><p>“You don’t know much,” Kallus glowered.  “That’s not how the Empire works.”</p><p>“Just get moving,” Zeb said, gesturing for Kallus to move.  He didn’t trust the bridge not to break apart underneath them.</p><p>He was right not to.  In front of him, Kallus stepped on a crack in the bridge and the side of it crumbled.  Kallus lost his balance and started to fall.</p><p>Already on alert, Zeb’s arm shot out and grabbed Kallus by the arm.  His hurt arm, but Zeb caught him before he fell.</p><p>Kallus yowled, probably from both pain and terror, and Zeb hauled him back onto the bridge.</p><p>“Be careful,” Zeb warned, a little more stress in his voice than he meant to let through.</p><p>They stepped over the weak point and made it into the tunnel.  Zeb relaxed a little with solid ground underneath his feet.  Looking around, he saw multiple tunnels going in different directions. </p><p>That was a problem for the future.  Right then he needed to deal with Kallus’s injury and the transponder.</p><p>Kallus’s eyes were wide, darting between the tunnels and Zeb, as if he wasn’t sure which presented more danger.</p><p>“Relax,” Zeb said.  “If I was gonna kill you, I’d’ve let you fall.”</p><p>Somehow, that didn’t seem to reassure Kallus.</p><p>“Come here, I’ll set your shoulder,” Zeb offered.</p><p>“You’ve set a human shoulder before?” Kallus asked dubiously.</p><p>Zeb shrugged.  “Well, no.  I’ve set lasat shoulders before.  They’ve got to be pretty similar, right?”</p><p>Kallus stared pointedly at Zeb’s legs.</p><p>“Our arms still work the same,” Zeb sighed, just barely managing not to roll his eyes.  “Come <em>here</em>.”</p><p>No movement.</p><p>Zeb huffed.  “Fine.  Stand there and suffer.  I’m going to fix this transponder.  Let me know if you change your mind.”</p><p>Kallus leaned against the side of the tunnel, feeling at his shoulder.  He winced, but made no noise.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, Zeb poked at the transponder.  It’d been jarred and a few wires were loose, but it was easily fixable – of course, Zeb had fixed that very transponder a hundred times already.  He removed the frequency limiter and sealed it back up.  “There,” he said.  “Now anyone can find us.”</p><p>Kallus laughed, obviously still in pain.  “That signal will never make it to the surface.”</p><p>“Probably not,” Zeb agreed.  He took one step out on the bridge and looked up.  He could climb out easily; this rock was much easier to grasp than the ice on Bahryn.  But Kallus… </p><p>Kallus would never be able to hang on to Zeb with a dislocated shoulder, even if he let Zeb set it.</p><p>“These tunnels must lead to the surface.”</p><p>“They do,” Kallus bit out.  “But we broke all the bridges.”</p><p>“There’s got to be a <em>different </em>way out, then.”  Zeb stuck the transponder on his belt and looked at Kallus.  “And I’m <em>going</em> to fix that shoulder now.  You’ll just have to trust me.”</p><p>For a second, Zeb thought Kallus would refuse yet again, but he moved his hand, letting Zeb see his deformed shoulder.  He closed his eyes, but didn’t tense up when Zeb gently touched his arm and shoulder. </p><p>“Ready?” Zeb asked.</p><p>“Just do it already,” Kallus said.</p><p>Zeb did.</p><p>Kallus grunted through gritted teeth, but he didn’t cry out.</p><p>“There,” Zeb said.  “Feel any better?”</p><p>Begrudgingly, Kallus said, “Yes.”</p><p>“Good.”  Zeb looked around.  “Did you notice how quiet it is?”</p><p>“I can’t say it was my first priority,” Kallus said.</p><p>Zeb frowned.  “There were <em>no </em>life forms on our scan.  We might be the only living beings on this planet.  And do you know why?”</p><p>“I cannot <em>possibly</em> imagine.”</p><p>“You,” Zeb said simply.  “The Empire.  You were building something that you needed to keep quiet.  Something worth a genocide.  You know what that would be?”</p><p>For the briefest moment, Zeb could have sworn Kallus was shaken by the accusation – but only for a moment.</p><p>“That’s absurd.  Why would we wipe out an entire planet?”</p><p>Zeb gave Kallus a look.  “Really?  <em>You </em>are going to ask <em>me </em>that?”</p><p>Kallus looked away.  “Lasan was different.”</p><p>“Oh?  Why was that?  Because <em>you</em> gave the order?”  Zeb knew Kallus hadn’t, but Kallus needed to confess that on his own.</p><p>“I–” Kallus paused.  “I may have exaggerated that.”</p><p>“You ‘may have’?”</p><p>Kallus moved his gaze to Zeb’s feet.  “I <em>did</em>.  I was there, but I was given the order to use the T-7s.  It– it wasn’t <em>supposed</em> to be a massacre.  I only realized once we were there that the Empire wanted to make an example of Lasan.”</p><p>“Well, good job there,” Zeb said.  “You gonna stand there and tell me the same Empire that nearly wiped out my people wouldn’t have done the same to the Geonosians?”</p><p>“There aren’t any projects that secret!” Kallus protested.  “I would know about it!”</p><p>Zeb arched a brow.  “Would you?”</p><p>“I’m sure of it.”</p><p>“Then you should be able to easily find out what happened to the Geonosians and why when you get back to the Empire, huh?”</p><p>Kallus’s face didn’t change, but Zeb saw the widening of his pupils.  He was getting to the human.</p><p>Looking around, Zeb said, “It’s gonna be night soon and I don’t fancy being down here when that happens.  Let’s find our way out.”</p><p>He marched past Kallus, deeper into the tunnels, following any tunnel that seemed to slant upward.  Soon they were deep within the warren, their only light the tiny glowrod Zeb had clipped to his belt that morning – just in case they ended up on Bahryn again.</p><p>What he wouldn’t do for a glowing meteorite to light the way.</p><p>“You’re lost.”</p><p>Zeb looked over his shoulder.  “Am not.  We’re just exploring.”</p><p>Kallus rubbed at his shoulder again.  “No, we’re not.  You’re taking random tunnels and we’re deep enough underground that we can barely see and who know <em>what </em>might be living down here?”</p><p>“Nothin’,” Zeb said.  “Remember, no life forms.”</p><p>“If the transponder won’t reach this far underground, what makes you think your scanners did?” Kallus riposted.</p><p>Karabast.  That was actually a good point, particularly when Zeb knew there was at least one Geonosian still running around the planet.</p><p>“Shut up,” Zeb said, oh-so-cleverly.  “I’m trying to figure out which way to go.”</p><p>Kallus gave a small laugh, something short and smug.  “You know, you’ll never get out of here without my help.”</p><p>“Then help!” snapped Zeb.  “I’m trying to get us both out of here.”</p><p>Kallus pointed to the left tunnel.  “That one.  There’s a slight breeze coming from it.”</p><p>He was right.  “I knew that,” Zeb muttered.  He set off down the left tunnel.</p><p>Letting Kallus lead the way turned out to be the right move.  It took them roughly three Standard hours, but they finally emerged from an entryway hidden among rocks.</p><p>The sun had nearly set and there was no sign of the <em>Ghost</em> or any Imperial ships in the skies.</p><p>Not that an Imperial ship would come.  Zeb knew that.  Kallus didn’t.</p><p>The problem was, Zeb realized, that even though Geonosis was a desert planet, deserts got cold at night and Kallus was rubbing his arms for warmth, not just to ease lingering pain.</p><p>“Karabast,” Zeb muttered.  “Okay, let’s find a spot in these rocks.  If we sit back-to-back, it’ll help conserve heat.</p><p>Kallus eyed him distastefully.</p><p>“Oh, come on,” Zeb groaned.  “What’s more important: surviving the night or not touching alien scum?”</p><p>“I never called you alien scum,” Kallus said.</p><p>“Rebel scum, then.  Same bloody difference.”  Zeb set off into the rock formation, looking for a sheltered location.</p><p>Kallus scrambled behind as they searched, close enough he almost ran into Zeb when he stopped a good half an hour later.</p><p>“Here,” Zeb said, looking around.  “This overhang will shelter us from the sun in the morning and block the wind tonight.”</p><p>Behind him, Kallus was shivering.  “Sounds good,” he said, voice quivering a little.</p><p>That quiver didn’t sound good.  Zeb frowned at Kallus, noticing the human was sweating, which had to be making him colder.</p><p>Kallus was in good shape, though – had to be, to keep up with Zeb in a fight – so the sweating was probably a side effect of pain.</p><p>“Come on,” Zeb said, leading the way beneath the overhang.  There was a spot near the back that looked like it would fit them both and keep the rock at their back.</p><p>He didn’t dare try to convince Kallus to sleep in Zeb’s arms, even though it would be warmer, so he sat down and let Kallus scoot up to him.</p><p>It was like coaxing a stray tooka to come close, really.  Patience was key.</p><p>Kallus was warm at Zeb’s back, a comforting presence he’d missed all too much.  <em>What’s going to happen to us this time?</em> Zeb wondered.  <em>How are we going to die?  How did I mess up this time?</em></p><p>“I want to tell you Lasan was nothing personal,” Kallus said suddenly, the words tumbling out as if he’d been trying to hold them in.  “But it would be something of a lie.”</p><p>Zeb shook his head, even though Kallus couldn’t see.  “Don’t worry about it, mate.  It’s in the past.”</p><p>Doubt entered Kallus’s voice.  “You don’t mean that.  You can’t mean that.  We all have things we can’t forget.”</p><p>Zeb sighed, even though he was inwardly glad to hear this conversation.  “I won’t ever forget it,” he said truthfully, “but I learned to move forward.  Fighting against the Empire helps.”</p><p>“One of the first actions I saw was Onderon,” Kallus said.  “The boys and I were deployed to bring peace to a troubled world.”</p><p>Zeb snorted.  “Peace,” he repeated sarcastically.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” Kallus insisted.  “But we were ambushed by Saw Gerrera’s rebels.  I was knocked out early in the fight and came to after it was all over.  I couldn’t move, but I could see <em>him</em> moving through the fire and smoke, finishing off my unit, one by one, even the ones pleading for mercy.”</p><p>“Him?” Zeb asked.  He knew the answer, but he also knew Kallus needed to say it.</p><p>“A lasat.  A mercenary, I found out later, working for Gerrera.  He let me live for some reason I’ll never know.”</p><p><em>Leave one alive to tell the tale</em>, Zeb thought.  <em>The Empire uses that tactic enough, don’t they?</em></p><p>He thought for a moment.  “You can’t judge all lasat by his actions.  He was dishonorable and most of us held onto our honor very tightly.”</p><p>“Does that sentiment apply to Imperials, too?”</p><p>“All the Imperials I know,” Zeb said.  <em>Which is pretty much you.  And I definitely judge you differently</em>.  “By the way, it’s Zeb.  M’name, it’s Zeb.”</p><p>“Short for Garazeb.  I know.” </p><p>Zeb waited a beat to see if Kallus would continue, but he didn’t.  “And you’re Alexsandr.”</p><p>Kallus stiffened against Zeb’s back.  “Your Intelligence services are good,” he said.</p><p>“Something like that.”  Zeb fiddled with his bo-rifle in his lap.  “How’s that shoulder?”</p><p>“As well as can be expected,” Kallus responded.  “Why did you help me?  You could have let me fall.  You could have let me try to set my shoulder myself.”</p><p>“I told you, if I kill you, it’ll be face-to-face.  It wouldn’t have been honorable to let you die.  Outside of a fair fight, that is.”</p><p>“You’re very particular about your honor,” Kallus said.</p><p>Zeb chuckled.  “I think you are, too.  You just have to find it again.”</p><p>“Again?” Kallus scoffed.  “What makes you think I ever lost it?”</p><p>“The Empire.  Kinda hard to be honorable when you’re attackin’ people whose guards are down or who’re just tryin’ to help others.”  Zeb held his breath, waiting for the rote response.</p><p>“The Empire is bringing–”</p><p>“Peace and order to a troubled galaxy, I know,” Zeb interrupted.  “But they do that with violence and fear, which is hardly true peace or order.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t understand,” Kallus said.  “You’ve never had to retain loyalty–”</p><p>“Haven’t I?”  Zeb knew he was being rude now, but it didn’t slow him down.  “I was Captain of the Lasan High Honor Guard.  It was my job to protect all of Lasan and to do what the Queen ordered of me.  I had to keep my men loyal to the Queen.  I had to help make sure all lasats were loyal to the Queen.  You can bet your skinny Imperial ass I didn’t go around making threats to ensure that loyalty.  And I <em>definitely</em> didn’t kill anyone who wasn’t a direct threat.”</p><p>Kallus’s eyes lit up as if he’d caught Zeb in a falsehood.  “But you <em>have</em> killed.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Zeb retorted.  “Imperials who were trying to exterminate my people.”</p><p>Zeb’s bitter remark seemed to cow Kallus finally and the human had nothing to say.</p><p>Sighing, Zeb decided to extend a peace offering by going back to safe territory.  “How’d you end up with a bo-rifle?  You didn’t take it from…?”</p><p>“No,” Kallus said, running his hands over his bo-rifle.  “I fought a guardsman on Lasan.  He fought well and died with honor.  Before he died, though, he gave me his bo-rifle.”</p><p>“<em>Boosahn Keeraw</em>,” Zeb said.</p><p>“<em>Boosahn</em> what?”</p><p>“<em>Keeraw</em>.  The lasat warrior way.  If you’re defeated by a superior – <em>honorable </em>– foe, you gift your weapon.”  Not for the first time, Zeb wondered which of his men had given Kallus his rifle.  Many guardsmen had carried that model – not an older model inherited from family like Zeb’s – and Kallus had modified it thoroughly for human hands.  “You must have impressed that guardsman.”</p><p>“Perhaps.”  Kallus didn’t sound like he knew if that was a good thing or not.  “I keep being singled out by lasats, it seems.”</p><p>Zeb laughed.  If only he knew…  “‘Pears that way, doesn’t it?  Although I’d say you singled <em>me </em>out, not the other way around.”</p><p>There was a reason for that, Zeb knew, one Alex had told him long after they’d gotten together: that he needed to prove himself against all the lasat he met to keep reassuring himself that he <em>could</em> have defeated that mercenary if only he hadn’t been partially paralyzed.  That he could have saved his men if given the chance.</p><p>Zeb couldn’t say too much.  He’d actually been a little exhilarated to fight someone with his bo-rifle again, properly, not just using it in blaster configuration or threatening to fry Chopper with it.</p><p>“Perhaps,” Kallus said softly, so gently it was almost lost in the sound of the wind whistling by their shelter.</p><p>“Look, Kallus.  Alexsandr.  Agent.  Whatever you want to be called.  If my people come first, you should come with me.  We’ll get you a medic and treat you fairly.  You have my word.”</p><p>“I already gave <em>my</em> word,” Kallus said.  “My life belongs to the Empire.”</p><p>Zeb sighed.  He wanted to tell Kallus that the Empire wasn’t coming, that they’d left him to die, that he was nothing but an easily-replaceable cog in the Imperial machine.  Kallus needed to figure that out for himself, though, so he held his tongue.</p><p>Behind him, Kallus took a deep breath.  “If I sleep…?”</p><p>“I won’t kill you or let anything else kill you,” Zeb promised.  “I’m gonna do the same.”</p><p>Kallus leaned his head back against Zeb’s shoulder.  Zeb closed his own eyes, listening to the sound of Kallus breathing – of <em>Alex</em> breathing – and fell asleep to the familiar, comforting sound.</p><p>He woke some hours later, when it was still dark, to Kallus elbowing him in the side.</p><p>“A ship,” Kallus said, clambering to his feet.  As Zeb followed, Kallus went to the edge of their shelter.  His shoulders fell.  “Oh.  Your friends have found you.”</p><p>“My offer stands,” Zeb said.</p><p>“I can’t,” Kallus said.  “But thank you, Zeb.”  The light bounce on Zeb’s name was accompanied by the slightest of smiles.</p><p>“Hold on,” Zeb said, looking at the landing <em>Ghost</em>.  “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>He jogged over to the ship just in time to be greeted by the rest of the Spectres.  Sabine about barreled him over with a hug and Ezra made a crack about Zeb causing them trouble.  Kanan and Hera just smiled at their antics.</p><p>This was going to be the tricky part.  In life, no one had come for Kallus, but Zeb couldn’t just pick him up and carry him onto the <em>Ghost </em>and expect him to come around to the Rebel way of thinking. </p><p>Leaving him on such a barren planet, even for a day or so, was unconscionable, however.</p><p>“I need some rations and water,” Zeb said.</p><p>“Sure thing,” Kanan said.  “You’ve got to be starving.”</p><p>Zeb shook his head.  “Not for me.  For Agent Kallus.  He’s here too.  He’s hurt.”</p><p>Hera’s eyes widened.  “Are we taking him in?”</p><p>“No,” Zeb insisted.  “Not yet.  If no one’s picked him up in a day or two, we’ll get him.  I think he needs time to see the Empire doesn’t really care about him.”</p><p>Ezra frowned.  “Shouldn’t that be obvious?”</p><p>Zeb ruffled Ezra’s hair.  “Not when you’re that deep in the muck, kid.  I think he can become an ally, though, if we play this right.”</p><p>Sabine laughed.  “Agent Kallus, an ally.  Yeah, right.”</p><p>“You really think so, Zeb?” Hera asked.  “You’re <em>sure</em> this is the right course of action?”</p><p>“I swear it is.  I just need those rations and water packs so he doesn’t die before we can get back to him.”</p><p>Hera and Kanan exchanged glances.  “All right,” Hera said.  “Ezra, go get the rations.”</p><p>Ezra groaned, but ran back into the ship.</p><p>“I’m trusting you big time, Zeb.  If Sato knew we had a high-level prisoner we let walk…”  Hera crossed her arms.</p><p>“It will pay off,” Zeb said.  “I <em>swear</em>.”</p><p>It didn’t look like anyone truly believed him, but they weren’t willing to defy him either.  Ezra slid down the ladder into the hold and ran down the ramp with the rations and water packs.  “Here.”</p><p>Zeb took the supplies.  “I’ll be right back and then we can get out of here.”</p><p>“Yeah, before the Empire shows back up,” Ezra grumped.</p><p>Zeb ignored Ezra’s comment and walked briskly back to the overhang where Kallus waited.  “Here you go, Kal.”</p><p>Kallus arched an eyebrow at the nickname, but took the supplies gratefully.</p><p>Zeb gave him the Honor Guard salute – one hand over the other fist, with a slight bow – and said, “Ashla bless you.”</p><p>Kallus nodded and returned the gesture as best he could while holding the rations.  “You too, Zeb.”</p><p>Somewhat reluctantly, Zeb turned and left Kallus standing alone on Geonosis with nothing but two meals and a transponder.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Two days later, the <em>Ghost</em> returned to the Geonosis system.</p><p>Zeb looked at the scanner, eager to pick Kallus up and take him back to the fleet.</p><p>No life forms.  No transponders.</p><p>He tapped on the transparisteel cover.  “Chopper, are you sure this thing is working?”</p><p>Chopper whistled and Zeb looked to Ezra for a translation.</p><p>Ezra shrugged.  “He says the system’s empty.  Guess the Empire <em>did </em>come back for Kallus after all.”</p><p>Hera looked back at Zeb.  “I think you’ve got some explaining to do.  You promised he’d still be here.”</p><p>Zeb rubbed the back of his neck.  “I thought he would be.  The Empire wasn’t supposed to come back.”</p><p>“I don’t like it,” Sabine said.  “We’ve fallen into one trap here already; let’s get back to the Fleet.”</p><p>“I agree,” Hera said.  “Chop, plot us a course to drop any tails.”</p><p>Zeb flopped back in his chair.  What happened?  Had he failed again?  He’d been so sure that <em>this</em> time around, he had it right.</p><p>Only time would tell.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every day after Geonosis, Zeb waited for the staticky feeling to return.</p><p>It never did.</p><p>Zeb tried not to dwell on that too much, tried not to let himself hope.  Instead, he busied himself with taking care of his Spectre family.  He filched the Sith holocron from Ezra, giving it to Kanan before sending him out into the wilderness to find the Bendu.  He nudged Kanan and Hera into actually talking again.  He even took his job as Chief of Security seriously, mandating that all patrols into the wilderness, even the ones setting up the perimeter sensors, go in pairs.</p><p>It was satisfying, even if he knew it was only temporary.</p><p>The day Wedge’s transmission from Skystrike should have come through, there was comm silence.  Zeb wasn’t sure what that meant, especially since he didn’t find himself starting all over again – were Wedge and Hobbie still going to defect?</p><p>He spent much of the next day out in his spot – that place on the edge of base where no one but his family bothered him unless it was really important.  This cycle of the <em>Talinad</em> had been peaceful after Geonosis and he wanted to savor it for as long as possible.</p><p>Close to mid-afternoon, Zeb’s ears twitched; someone was running his direction.</p><p>“Zeb!” Ezra called.  “We got a transmission!  Come <em>on</em>!”</p><p>A transmission?  Had Wedge’s call for help just been delayed?</p><p>Zeb arrived in the command center just in time to hear Sato explain to Ezra that while Ahsoka had been a Fulcrum agent, there were others out there – and that they’d gotten a message from one.</p><p>Fur standing on end, Zeb held his breath.</p><p>The voice that came through the comm, though distorted, was still recognizably Kallus’s in cadence and tone and vocabulary.</p><p><em>Kallus was Fulcrum again</em>.</p><p>Zeb had succeeded, even if it wasn’t in the same way it had happened in his life.</p><p>So why was he still around?  Shouldn’t he be drifting off to some sort of eternal rest or something?</p><p>Maybe there was more he had to do.</p><p>But everything happened as it needed to.  Kallus helped Sabine, Wedge, and Hobbie escape from Skystrike.  He helped Kanan and Ezra escape from the TIE-Defender factory.  He warned Zeb about the infiltrator droid – and congratulated him after he successfully used the droid to take out a Star Destroyer – without being caught by Thrawn, it seemed.  Even when they sent Ezra to extract him, Kallus stayed.</p><p>Each time something happened, Zeb felt hope grow.  Surely Kallus was building up toward a final defection.  Surely he’d leave before he was caught.  Zeb didn’t think he could stand listening to him being tortured a second time.</p><p>When it finally happened, it happened quickly.</p><p>An Imperial shuttle appeared in-system one day, far past the time they’d had to abandon the base in Zeb’s life and right before they were about to attack the Lothal Imperial Complex with the help of Dodonna’s Massassi Group.  The shuttle pilot didn’t have landing codes for the Rebel base, but he did have a passcode:  “<em>By the light of Lothal’s moons.</em>”</p><p>A crowd gathered as the shuttle landed, Rebels curious to see who Fulcrum really was.  Ignoring the suspicious looks of the other Spectres, Zeb pushed his way to the front of that crowd.</p><p>Kallus emerged, looking no worse for the wear.  No torn clothes, no bruises, no busted lips.  Just Kallus, whole and healthy-seeming.  “Zeb!” he said, sounding grateful to see one friendly face.</p><p>“Kal,” Zeb replied, almost breathless with relief.  Three long steps brought him to the shuttle’s ramp and he swept Kallus up in a hug.</p><p>Was it forward of him?  Yes.  Did it cause a stir behind them?  Yes.  Did Kallus return the hug?  Also yes.</p><p>“I need to talk to you,” Kallus said, pulling back.  “After I talk to your leadership.”</p><p>“What do you need the leadership for?” asked Hera, who’d come up behind Zeb.</p><p>Kallus’s face set, all business once more.  “Thrawn knows about this base.  He won’t be too far behind me.  You need to evacuate.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you just send us a Fulcrum message?” Hera asked.</p><p>“I would have been walking into a trap if I had,” Kallus said.  “Thrawn’s had me figured out for a while, but kept hoping I would bring him to you.”</p><p>Hera crossed her arms.  “Have you?”</p><p>“I don’t believe so,” Kallus said.  “But there’s a spy amongst General Dodonna’s ranks who gave the trajectory of their path here and Thrawn noted there was a system missing from his maps along that trajectory.  I don’t know how he knew; I ran as soon as I could get away to come warn you.”</p><p>A murmur ran through the crowd at Kallus’s words.</p><p>Hera turned to the assembly.  “Phoenix Cell, prepare yourselves for order K-one-zero!  Confirmation of that order will come shortly.”  She looked back at Kallus.  “Time to take you to Commander Sato.”</p><p>Zeb started to follow, but Hera stopped him.  “Zeb, I need you to check that shuttle just in case there’s a tracking device.”</p><p>“But Kallus wouldn’t–”</p><p>“Maybe not, but Thrawn <em>would</em>.”</p><p>That was a very good point.  Zeb sighed and pointed out two of his security team, beckoning them forward.  The three of them combed over the ship, inside and out, and found nothing.</p><p>Zeb sprinted to the Command Center, eager to tell them that Kallus’s ship was clean.  He found Sato, Hera, and Kallus standing around a star map.  Kallus indicated a system in the Outer Rim.  “This is where Thrawn’s information had Dodonna staging from.  They may need to evacuate as well.”</p><p>“No,” said Sato.  “That’s not their base.  Dodonna wouldn’t jump straight here from there.  There won’t be anything in that system.”</p><p>“Someone needs to alert Dodonna that we’re on our way,” said Hera.</p><p>“I can do that,” Zeb volunteered.  “There weren’t any tracking devices, by the way.”</p><p>Kallus looked offended.  “Of course I stripped the tracking devices before I left!” he said indignantly.</p><p>Hera nodded.  “Zeb, you tell Dodonna.  I’ll start the ground evacuation while Sato prepares the fleet.”</p><p>Kallus didn’t move as the rest of the room scattered.  He lurked in the shadows as Zeb made the call to Yavin IV and told Dodonna to stop preparing to invade Lothal and start preparing for an invasion of Atollon Rebels instead.</p><p>Zeb’s ears twitched, listening to the slight hitch in Kallus’s breath as the human walked up behind him.  Kallus had wanted to talk to him at some point; was that point now?  “What is it, Kal?” he asked cautiously.</p><p>“I need to tell you something,” the human said.  “And I need you to listen.”</p><p>Zeb turned, frowning.  “I’m listenin’,” he said.</p><p>Kallus looked almost nervous, his expression soft and vulnerable like Zeb hadn’t seen since… well, since before the <em>Talinad</em>. </p><p>Before Zeb could process that, Kallus spoke.  “<em>Kerra hashaln Ashlahn, nis tallan bafliri peklin, seor tinsal azarrika merrini morrahn</em>,” he said.</p><p>Kallus’s words were spoken clearly and quickly, with a sense of familiarity, and they made Zeb’s heart skip a beat, his chest clenching tight.</p><p>Kallus must have taken Zeb’s silence for some sort of confusion because he repeated himself, slowly and with purpose.  “<em>An san ni Tinsana, armorra ashkerra.  La san an s'ahn gal an san nivsahn</em>,” he added.</p><p>It was Lasana.  And not just any Lasana: the words came from the traditional Lasan wedding vows.</p><p>There was no way Kallus should have known the words he spoke or what they meant.  Zeb hadn’t taught Alex any Lasana.  They hadn’t had time to <em>discuss</em> a wedding, much less what vows they would use.</p><p>But… <em>In the sight of the Ashla, our blood flows mingled forever, bound throughout the strands of time</em>, he’d said first.  And then, <em>You are my Bond-mate, my eternal beloved.  I am yours and you are mine</em>.</p><p><em>Eternal beloved</em>…</p><p>“Alex?” Zeb whispered, daring for a moment to hope.</p><p>Kallus shook his head sadly.  “Sasha,” he corrected.  “You’re not my Zeb and I’m not Alex, but you have my love as well.”</p><p>Zeb stared.  “You– you’re– Sasha?  But–?  Who?  How?  Why didn’t you say anything on Geonosis?”</p><p>“I <em>couldn’t</em>,” Kallus – Sasha – said.  “I was trapped, watching my old Imperial self refuse to listen to you every time until finally you broke through.  Once I became Fulcrum again, I could control my actions and words.”</p><p>“Hold up,” Zeb said.  “‘Every time’?  You’ve been aware of multiple cycles?  All the times I tried to reach out to you?”</p><p>Sasha nodded and Zeb wasn’t sure if his eyes were wide from exhilaration at his confession or from a desire for Zeb to believe him.  Maybe both.</p><p>“Yes.  I was there every time I hurt or killed you and the others.  I couldn’t do anything, but please know I tried.  Until you saved me, until you convinced me on Geonosis, I was stuck.  It felt like a Sith hell.”  He took a step toward Zeb.  “The things you said along the way… you had an Alex, not a Sasha.  I think things happened differently for us, but they still happened.  You loved Alex.  I loved Zeb.  And, watching you try so very hard to reach me, I fell in love with you, too.”</p><p>That was a lot to consider.  Sasha had been there all along?  Those flashes of <em>something</em> Zeb had sometimes seen on Kallus’s face... had they been Sasha breaking through for a moment?</p><p>Zeb shook his head, resisting the urge to reach out and hug Sasha once more.  “How did you know that vow?” he asked.  “How do you know Lasana?”</p><p>Sasha looked concerned.  “My Zeb taught me Lasana before we even became partners.  We were married on Hoth.  You…?”</p><p>“I proposed on Endor,” Zeb said.  “And then I died.  Maybe he did, too.  I don’t know.  I hope not.”</p><p>“So you never took him to Lira San,” Sasha said, sounding sad.  “You were never married, you never spoke Lasana with him, you never had a life together outside of war.”</p><p>Zeb frowned.  “Well, you don’t have to make it sound so pitiful.  Alex and I loved each other a great deal.  But Hoth was difficult for him and–”</p><p>Sasha held up his hands.  “Zeb.  Garazeb.  I didn’t mean it that way.  I was merely trying to confirm some of the differences between our lives.”</p><p>Zeb swallowed.  “So you had all that?” he asked after a second.</p><p>Looking away, Sasha nodded.  “I died almost a year after Endor,” he said, a rawness in his voice that told Zeb how deeply he felt about the topic.  “We had retired to Lira San and opened a <em>lithakan</em>, but were called back to war.  I died commanding a ship in battle over Coruscant.  My Zeb got away.  I know this because I tricked him into an escape pod and launched it myself.  He was well away before I activated the self-destruct.”</p><p>Feeling suddenly weak, Zeb rested against the holo table.  He’d experienced a lot during his time in the <em>Talinad</em>, but this…</p><p>This was new.  The man before him wasn’t <em>Alex</em>, but it was still Alexsandr Kallus – an Alexsandr Kallus who professed to love him, too.</p><p>Zeb didn’t know how he felt about Sasha.  Part of him loved him for the mere fact of his being.  Part of him recognized that Sasha was essentially a stranger.  The rest of him recalled their time on Geonosis and whispered that he wasn’t such a stranger, after all.</p><p>Could Zeb love Sasha, too?</p><p>Of course he could.  He’d loved Alex through his rocky transformation from spy to Rebel, loved him enough to propose.  He could love Sasha, who’d already made that transition, who spoke Lasana and knew more of Lira San than Zeb did.</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Zeb held out his hands.  Sasha took them, closing the short distance between them.</p><p>Holding onto Sasha’s hands as he spoke, Zeb used Lasana, his native tongue almost a stranger to him after so long.  “Sasha, you haven’t been stuck in a Sith hell.  This is the Dreaming, the afterlife of my people.  I don’t know why you’re here too, but I’m glad.”</p><p>Sasha’s brow furrowed, the expression a familiar one to Zeb; Sasha was thinking deeply.  “Do you think that perhaps because I’m here because I was a Bond-mate to a lasat?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Zeb said with a shrug.  “That makes as much sense as anything.”</p><p>“The Dreaming?”  Sasha turned contemplative.  After a moment, he asked, “Everything here already happened in our lives, correct?”</p><p>“In some form.”  Zeb ran his thumbs over the backs of Sasha’s hands.  He wasn’t sure where the human was going, but he was certain he didn’t want to let go of those hands.</p><p>Sasha squeezed Zeb’s fingers.  “Then why should we stay?  Why should we fight a war we’ve already fought?  Let’s go to Lira San now.  Together.”</p><p>“You don’t think we should see this through?”  Zeb couldn’t help but think of all the battles he’d been part of and wonder if he’d been instrumental in any of them; wonder if his absence would change the outcomes.  The truth was that he was already half-convinced Sasha was right, though.  The idea of a real civilian life – with Sasha – was appealing.</p><p>“Stars, no,” Sasha said, switching back to Basic.  “Let’s give the Rebellion the information it needs and kriff off while we still can.”</p><p>Zeb laughed.  “I think I could love you, too.”  The words slipped out easily, his heart warm.</p><p>Sasha leaned forward, touching their foreheads together.  “Do this with me, Garazeb.  We gave ourselves to the cause in life, let’s spend death in peace.”</p><p>“On two conditions,” Zeb said.</p><p>Sasha looked curious.  “Name them.”</p><p>“One, we continue to search for more lasat and guide them to Lira San when we do.”</p><p>“Of course.”  Sasha nodded.  “I would consider that a given.  Your second?”</p><p>Zeb braced himself – he desperately wanted his second request, but it was still a forward move for someone he’d technically only just met.  “Kiss me.”</p><p>A smile bloomed on Sasha’s face and he looked so like Alex, there at the end when Zeb proposed, that it almost hurt.  The thought distracted Zeb, meaning Sasha caught him off-guard by leaning in and rubbing their cheeks together, scenting him.</p><p>If Zeb had any doubts left that Sasha had loved a lasat, that simple move blasted them away.</p><p>Zeb held Sasha’s face lightly and kissed him on the lips.  He didn’t taste exactly like Alex, but he was close enough that Zeb felt <em>right</em> kissing him.</p><p>“What the kriff?”</p><p>They broke at the protest and Zeb looked over Sasha’s shoulder.  Ezra stood just inside the door, looking scandalized.</p><p>“What are you <em>doing</em>?” he asked.</p><p>“Exactly what I’m supposed to be doing,” Zeb said.</p><p>“Ri-ight,” Ezra said slowly.  “I saw you hug him but…”</p><p>Zeb exchanged a look with Sasha.  “Kid, go get the others.  We’ve got some things to tell everyone.”</p><p>“Is it that you were kissing?  ‘Cause I can handle that.”</p><p>“<em>Ezra</em>,” Sasha said.  “There’s much more going on in the galaxy than you know.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ezra replied.  “I can tell.”</p><p>“Just go get the rest of the family,” Zeb sighed.  He looked at Sasha again once Ezra left.  “We tell them everything now and then we leave.”</p><p>“Fair enough,” Sasha said.  “Perhaps what we tell them will be sufficient.”</p><p>“It’ll have to be,” Zeb said, using his claws to mess up Sasha’s oh-so-Imperial hair.</p><p>There.  He looked like a Rebel.</p><p>No, he looked like a <em>person</em> rather than a machine.  Like a free man.</p><p>Like Alex.</p><p>Zeb smiled again.  “<em>Ni sasha</em>,” he said softly.</p><p>“Yes,” Sasha agreed.  “I am yours.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>To say that the Spectres found Zeb’s tale incredulous was an understatement, but when Zeb mentioned the Bendu, it seemed to ease Kanan’s mind.  Once the Jedi accepted the story, so did the others.</p><p>Between Zeb and Sasha, the Spectres were given notes on what to expect during the next few years, from the best way to liberate Lothal to the existence of not one, but two Death Stars.   And, according to Sasha, the assurance that the Emperor would fall, bringing balance to the Force – and  the universe.</p><p>While they talked, Chopper Base was evacuated around them.  Eventually, even they had to pack up and leave, the <em>Ghost</em> and Sasha’s stolen Imperial shuttle the last two ships in the system.</p><p>As Zeb said his good-byes to his makeshift, but very real, family, the Imperial Seventh Fleet dropped from hyperspace.</p><p>“That’s our cue,” Hera said, and before the Imperials could track them, the two ships made the jump to lightspeed.</p><p>As discussed, they let the others go to Yavin without them.  Zeb trusted his family to use the knowledge he gave them wisely.</p><p>Sasha set course for Lira San and soon their ship hung in space before the giant star cluster, both men staring out the viewport at the swirling matter.</p><p>“It never gets any less beautiful,” Sasha said.  “Even that first time I saw it, I was in awe.”</p><p>Zeb switched his gaze to Sasha rather than the star cluster.  “You realize that everything that happens from here on out will be completely new, right?”</p><p>“No more knowing what will happen, at least not to us,” Sasha agreed, giving Zeb’s hand a squeeze.  “I can live with that.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Zeb said.  “So can I.”</p><p>He let go of Sasha and reformed his bo-rifle as the ancients used it, channeling the Ashla to guide them through the maze to their new home.</p><p>It was time to finally learn to live.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Come find me on tumblr (<a href="https://hixystix.tumblr.com/">hixystix</a> &amp; <a href="https://x-wing-junkie.tumblr.com/">x-wing-junkie</a>) or twitter (<a href="https://twitter.com/fandomhixystix">@fandomhixystix</a>) and flail over Rebels and Kalluzeb!  New friends always welcome!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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